Answers

I have always (unfortunately) been one who needs to know the who, what, why, and how about things. I never was one to go with the flow and let things roll over and off me.  I know that this has been the anchor to my ex. Oh, trust me, I know what she did and I know I never want to hurt this way. I know that things between us will never be right or how it used to be.

But, what is holding me back is the answers.

What did I do?

Why did she do it?

How did it happen without me noticing?

Where did everyone in my life for the last 50 years go?

I have tried and failed most of my life to not need the answers. To me though, it feels like the times I let it flow, things went south and I’ve lost all control.

There was a time right after the break when I was so so lost I wish I would have been committed. The psychologist and therapist have helped greatly, but it seems I need to have someone on call 24/7.