Recent Entries

• To her

  April 9, 2024

  I saw you walking today, God I still love you. Do you ever think about me how I do you? I still live my life like you are in it. I even go so far as sleeping with a pillow at my back so it feels like your there with me. I'm crying like a…

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• No motivation

  April 4, 2024

  Here I am at work and I have no motivation at all. My morning cashier is sick and I have several hours of paperwork to do while also running the register. It's nice I have customers but I haven't gotten away from the counter to do anything. You know what, I don't want to. I…

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• Even in a crowd

  March 15, 2024

  I really thought that "getting out" would be a good thing. I tried. Went for a fish fry at a local place. Wound up almost leaving after I was ignored for 15 minutes, no they weren't that busy, I was not a usual. Food was good, but just had the tinge of loneliness that made…

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• A whisper

  March 10, 2024

  Ive decided to stop living life screaming for people to be in mine. I have a codependency issue I have to learn to live with. It's hard to be codependent on a person who decided in a day that you weren't worth the piss to put out the fire you're engulfed in. Codependent on friends…

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• I’m fine

  February 18, 2024

  I'm fine. I'm not the friend I should be, or the father, husband, brother or person either. I'm fine I you or someone you know, blah, blah, blah...   I could be dead for weeks before someone will miss me. Cry for help? Yeah, that's been going on for 5 years now and no one I…

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• Miss me?

  February 9, 2024

  Well it's been awhile and I'm sad to report not much has changed. Really working on it to change though. Maybe it's not in the cards for me.

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• The place

  January 6, 2024

  As luck would have it, I finally found an affordable and big place that I can finally feel at home at and I can't get in due to money. The holidays killed what meger savings I had and I can't save enough to pay the security deposit and rent. I miss the old days where…

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• Rambles to no one

  December 28, 2023

  I have always had problems with time. There never seems to be enough, it goes too fast, the past and future. My divorce fucked it up. Now my job is too. I really want to give up. I don't feel special to anyone anymore. The closest I get is my boys, but them being pre-teen…

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• Christmas eve

  December 24, 2023

  So here I am once again alone on Christmas eve. The boys want to stay home today and I should be seeing them tomorrow, that's if my store doesn't fall apart. Stating to really hate managing my store. I just don't have what it takes anymore. The drama is overwhelming and every day leaves me…

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