Latest Entry

Again

December 4, 2022
I've probably wrote this about a thousand times, but here we go again. I can't seem to find a happy balance in my life anymore. It doesn't help I am now unemployed, that only adds to the stress and anxiety. The one person I seem to be able to talk to, my oldest, can't know…
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Recent Entries

  • Lost interest
    November 30, 2022
    I have never rediscovered my love of cooking since the divorce. Hell, sometimes I can't go shopping because I see something and I begin to tell myself "Patty would love this" and like that my shopping is ruined. Now I have spent a few months as a chef apprentice way way back in 1989 and…
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  • Thoughts
    November 27, 2022
    I took my son back to college today. He goes to Alfred State which is a little over 80 miles from me. I don't think I could have driven any slower then I did to have time with him. Am I a good man? A good father? IDK. The world and "my people" have left…
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  • Saying goodbye.. for now
    November 24, 2022
    Happy Thanksgiving. Unlike me, I hope you are all enjoying your family and friends. I sat down today and put everything in front of me. I don't know how I am going to do this. I can pay my rent for December and then... who knows. Obviously I can't call creditors today, so I am…
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  • Thinking
    November 23, 2022
    I've been rethinking my life recently. Being shut in does that I guess, the unemployment isn't helping either. The economy sucks and I am legitimately scared what tomorrow will bring. I am so screwed at the moment it's making me physically sick. I honestly don't have anyone here I can ask for hel...
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  • Write to write 2
    November 22, 2022
    Another sunny day here that I can only enjoy from the window or the 5 foot clearing I manages to make outside. I'm sure by my usual posts that you all see me as positive and outgoing so, when I say I feel completely defeated it will come as a shock. I never could have…
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  • Write for the pain
    November 21, 2022
    My life had turned to shit in the last 4 years. I went from happy, secure family man to a broke loser whose life just keeps getting worse. Seriously there are so many things happening all at once, I can't deal. I can be my kids Dad, but I can never raise them how I…
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  • So I just lost my job
    November 21, 2022
    Yup. I'm snowed in, out of everything,  and just got a call that I am being laid off. It's going to be a fucking rough night. Of course I have no one to talk to so I call my sister. First I get, don't tell the boys. Secondly I get the well get out there…
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  • This storm is a metaphor for my life
    November 21, 2022
    And just like that I am put into my place. Like my life that has fallen and broken apart over the last few years, so is this winter storm I'm stuck in. Just like the people who are in relationships and the "pretty" ones who have several people there to take out a splinter, so…
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  • A nobody in a somebody world 2
    November 17, 2022
    I don't matter to anyone. Years spent with my ex have all seemed to be washed from memories. Everything I did for friends, is gone. As soon as my marriage ended so did my family. My sister just wants to be the "super" aunt and rub it in my face that she would be a…
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