Things I have written…

And live as much as I can.

I wrote this first one in 1981.  I was living in the YMCA, in downtown Pasadena.  My father’s will directed the excutor of the estate, valued at over a quarter million dollars when he died, to support his children, my brother and I, in the manner and style to which we were accustomed.  My brother was driving a Datsun Pickup that the estate, my uncle, bought for him and painted and modified, and living in a very nice two bedroom apartment in South Pasadena with his girlfriend, while I was consigned to the YMCA, in a studio apartment with the bathroom down the hall, no car, and an allowance of just $70 a week, to buy food and other things with, including the rent for the room at the Y.

 

 

Life is

3/18/81

When I was young, it seemed as though there was but one mountain to climb to achieve my life’s goals. But when I had climbed that mountain, I found that I had scaled but the least foothill. The mountains rose upon the shoulders of the mountains, and I could not see their crests from where I stood, at the top of the least heights.

And when I saw this, I despaired, and I knew that I would never reach the Crestline. But as I turned to go back down and give up, I found my way blocked by an avalanche, so I had no choice but to climb upwards.

But every mountain I ascended brought me to the feet of another. And, though it seems that I am alone, the shadows that murmur in the mist are other souls who share the arduous ascent in silence. And the many who climb have no alternative, for we may never return to the land below. In the mist, cold and alone, all of us must each find our own path. Some I pass in the Eternal gloom, beyond despair, fearful of the next step higher, and some fall from the sheer elevations, unable to find a foothold in the unyielding stone.

This is our destiny: to climb until we can no longer keep the pace, never to return once we have left, ever upward, ever onward. And upon each mountain’s shoulders, another arises. As we reach the peak of one, we arrive at the feet of another.

It is said that the Crestline is bathed in the light of time, and that there is no sickness, there are no fears, and that the clear light of eternity cleanses the souls who reach it.

For this, I climb ever upwards, ever higher; and from where I stand the Crestline is invisible, an impossible goal that I must always reach for. For if I fail, shall I be doomed to forever climb these peaks, to pass souls in the fog and seek no comfort from them? I must always search for that which I may not find, no matter the cost.

From where I stand now, the Crestline is invisible. But no matter. First I must climb the mountain in front of me. The Crestline is in my heart and in my soul, and I must always reach for it.

For what else have I?

KAM/NWC

This was the genisis for something I write often, Upwards and Onwards.

 

 

I wrote the following resolution in 1999, after a car wreck that almost killed me.  It did not.  I am very fortunate that I wasn’t damaged more than I was, and I have put a lot of effort in my recovery, and this resolution reflects  what I felt then and feel now:

RESOLUTION FOR CHANGE

 

I AM COMMITTING MYSELF TO IMPROVING MYSELF. I WILL DO THIS BY THINKING THROUGH PLANS, IDEAS, AND COMMITMENTS SO THAT I CAN MAP OUT THE STEPS NECESSARY TO ACHIEVE THE GOALS ENVISIONED. THE GOAL OF THIS COMMITMENT IS TO BECOME THE PERSON THAT I AM POTENTIALLY CAPABLE OF AND TO BECOME A BETTER, MORE THOUGHTFUL, AND CONSIDERATE KURT. THIS IS WHAT I CAME BACK TO DO AND WHAT I MUST DO TO BE WORTHY OF THE CHANCE THAT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN. I WILL USE ANY HELP OFFERED AND WILL WORK TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY TO ACHIEVE THIS, AND I WILL USE THIS TO STRETCH AND EXPAND THOSE ABILITIES SO AS TO BECOME WHAT I AM POTENTIALLY. THIS MUST BE A 24/7 EFFORT, WITH FULL COMMITMENT AT ALL TIMES.

 

PLAY TIME IS OVER–GET ON WITH IT. NO EXCUSES, NO BACKING DOWN. DO IT.

ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS OR INTENTIONS.

*****