Post

An intention has been set to show more kindness to myself. I need to remind myself regularly. This means it is working.

There is a pull towards old tendencies. I am doing my best to be vigilant, to look for other intentions that had been set decades ago. These are more difficult to spot. Slowing down in general seems to help. Not much else seems to matter right now.

I see how I’ve let them get away with it because it served more than what they wanted. Parts of me wanted it too.

So this is my confession:

By my inaction I have let the moment slip by. The moment in which a better choice could have been made. A choice that releases the past, stops the present, and serves tomorrow. So many times I have not chosen well.

So many times.

On motivations:

Is it better to stay still until the truest motivation rises to the top? I have been told to not let better get in the way of best. Yet procrastination can feel good.

Is the right choice not always the easiest one too?

Most of my motivations are dutiful. The worst are tolerance, dripping with silent annoyance.

I realize, this will stack with other tolerant yet unseen motivations. It only hurts. At best the other doesn’t notice and the interaction is pleasant but lacking nutrition.

A leaf falls through the forest.

The brown one is easiest to let go.