Fear – continuation of last entry

Ok, for the noter who suggested I leave if Laurie’s making me miserable. First off, it’s not that simple. Not for me, anyway. When she’s NOT doped up, we have an ability to enjoy each other quite a lot.

What that last entry was…..Yes, of course, I was angry, but I wonder if anyone realized that it was an anger based on sheer terror. About an hour after I typed that, I realized the rage had totally passed. I was getting sleepy, so I thought I’d check on Laurie’s breathing, then go to bed. Well, I had another scare when I couldn’t tell whether or not she was breathing. She eventually woke up, startled. Rather than anger, this incited a massive RELIEF.

I don’t want my wife dead. She’s my wife, for crying out loud! I married her because I want to be with her for the rest of my life. Since she’s older, it may wind up the rest of HER life, but you never know. Point is, I don’t WANT to leave.

If I leave, we’ll both be miserable, far more than we can be now. Also, if I leave, she WILL DIE. I can’t do that.

You don’t just run away from someone when they are going through a hard time. You try to help them because you love them. You know that obviously, so that wasn’t to you! I realized your anger was fear based. I’ve had plenty of moments of getting angry from fear as well. Anger gives you the power to act, which fear is trying to take from you. The sneakiness doesn’t surprise me one bit.

BentnotBroken

October 13, 2013

If you love her stop enabling her. Raise a fuss,call the Medical Board and Medicare. Don’t stop until these awful people address her pain and stop feeding her addiction. Change Doctors,refuse to get her meds filled. She is now an addict and its up to YOU to get her the tools to wellness. You’re her husband and you can have her court ordered to a facility for substance abuse. Do something.

ryn: No, no one was threatening me. Someone was just coming around and insulting me for no apparent reason and making up crap about me. Also I found out they’d been basically stalking me on here. I’m into stalking me out of lust but out of hate, no thanks!

ryn: Thanks, man.

ryn: Sorry to hear that you haven’t been doing well 🙁

ryn: That might be the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me on here… I’m aware that I’m attractive on the outside, it’s just the inside that I think is ugly unless I put a mask over it. But yeah, thank you.

ryn: It’s very strange, especially since they are obsessed with someone else – not even me.