Obsessive about my family?

Maybe I am.  Ok, it’s almost definite that I am obsessive about my family. 

Do I mind that?  No.  In fact, I much prefer it over what I see in a lot of other people.  They consider themselves over whatever benefit or detriment things might be to their families.  That drives me NUTS!  I hate hate HATE when I see single parents do stupid shit that will hurt their children…as long as it makes the PARENT happy, that’s what counts to the PARENT!  While it could be argued that having that happen will build the child’s character, what if the child simply learns by example, as most do?  

I learned by example, but I learned what kind of stepparent NOT to be, rather than modeling myself after Wayne, my own stepfather.  He never welcomed me into his life, and he’s tried for 21 years to come between Mama and me.  What this taught me was that I will NEVER interfere with Laurie’s relationship with the girls.  Not that I want to!  Hardly!  I want them to BETTER their relationships with each other!!!!

God gave me my family, and I owe it to Him AND them to live up to my responsibility as much as I can.  Elisabeth calls me her "real Dad".  I love that.  "Love" isn’t even CLOSE to the right word.  It makes me feel so great that I don’t even know how to explain it!  

I’ve forgiven things that I used to be angry about; not just with our girls, but with everyone.  I’m not bitter about the way Mikey’s (Laurie’s) and my in-person relationship started anymore.  I’m not angry with Tiffany about what happened with the kidlets.  I’m not angry with Elisabeth or Laurie about the year and a half lack of communication between us and Elisabeth anymore.  I’m not angry at my sister, my mother, or anyone, really.

It’s wonderful not to feel angry every day….that it’s a passing emotion now, rather than a way of life.  Now, when I get angry, I blow up fast and hard, but then it’s gone.  And I mean GONE!  I don’t dwell anymore.  Something has happened during my 36th year that made it a lot easier to do that…just let it go.  I can’t pinpoint what it was, but I’m very glad it happened.  

Maybe this is all tied into letting loose of the resentment I had towards Nanny, which made resenting people a kind of way of life for me, I guess.  When we cleaned the slate, it really changed my whole life.  I’m so glad we made peace before she died.  I had worried about that for a long time.

I guess I’m talked out, for the moment. 

Love to everyone,

Hermy