The more I evaluate my probably midlife crisis, the more I suspect that this is really just a coming of age. Most people have hefty New Years resolutions, but I didn’t, I decided that I was going to try to be healthier. I meant that in a physical, finanical and emotional sense.
So, I took a hard look at marriage. We have issues. Are they workable? I don’t know. I do know that you either quit or stay. However, you cannot quit AND stay. That’s not good. So, I’m going to stay, appreciate his efforts and try to fall back in love.
Financially? Get that small loan paid off that’s drowning me in interest. Why I didn’t realize it sooner, idk. I’m determined though. I want it gone.
My job? I’ve worked the same job for 10 years. They don’t realize what it does to have the same rejection over and over. I wanted a career, not a dead end job. I’m out.
Other people? I have never made decisions to benefit JUST me. It’s always been what’s best for everyone but me and I fit in the little slot where ever it might have been at the time that was left. I stopped running around making decisions and doing everyone’s bidding. I look around for a second and realize that no one AT ALL has been taking care of me. I’m pretty shocked and heart broken. I love so many people so much but no one considers me at all. I’m 32. I’m living in a state that i hate, with weather that I hate, in a marriage with a cheating and mentally ill husband and I go to a job everyday for the last 10 years that refuses to recognize my tenure or my performance. I’m done. If nothing changes, then nothing changes. I’m gonna go out and change somethings.
This isn’t a midlife crisis, it’s a fucking revolution.