Day Twenty-Nine

May 1, 2006,

Dear Lunch Buddy,

I miss you so much. I feel so far away from everything; like I’m living in my own little fishbowl observing everything from behind a distorted window of the world. I still have this sense of peace that washed over me yesterday. It’s a pleasent calm, held ever so slightly aloft with the persistant hope that someday we will be together again.

I try to picture what you look like in the life you have excluded me from. How often do you think of me? Do you long for me nearly as much as I long for you? Do you truly want to be with her forever? I know the answer to that question. You’ve answered it before. No. You don’t. But you’re afraid to do something that you think is only selfish. I understand that. I just hope you realize that sometimes a person has to be selfish to survive. I also hope you find the strength to do just that.

I’m really tired, tonight. My neck hurts and my head hurts and I’m stressed abou the usual things… love and money. I think I’m going to sleep. It’s easier to think about sleeping than writing and there is no sense in forcing this.

I love you so very much,