Need to get it out before I explode…

Hi, I’m new here. Giving this website a try, mainly because there isn’t much else for me to turn to. I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years next month. We have been together for 18 next month. High school sweethearts. The problem is in the years we have been married he has had 2 affairs. He is military and one was while he was over seas. The other was with a family member, whom of which I was extremely close to. This family member is immediate family I might add. Sibling…My Brother… Why I stayed you ask? I have 3 beautiful children and recently had 2 angel babies. I chose to forgive because I honestly don’t know who I am without him.  I haven’t worked since I got pregnant with my 14 years old. I have a chronic illness that makes it hard. I chose to forgive him and not my family member, but that was for the simple reason they feel they did nothing wrong and are in love with my husband.  I feel stupid for forgiving him. I feel angry. I don’t feel connect to him anymore in that way. I do love him. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt my kids. I have a very limited support group and I know he loves me. He has changed since the last affair. Part of me wants to stay and part wants to go. I guess I’m comfortable. I am happy with staying at home with my babies. I’m just very lonely and sad. I know my kids see it. I don’t want them to end up in relationships like mine but this world is hard and I feel stuck. Some many scenarios, so many things run through my head. I use to worry about getting into another relationship and now I don’t even want that. I just want to wake up with a smile on my face and a burden lifted a little. I want to go to counseling but I know my story will be hard to tell and embarrassing. I don’t want to be judged but at the same time I’m bursting because I need someone to talk too. I can go further into details, if you have questions.

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2 weeks ago

I’m sorry for what you are dealing with. I am not sure what to say. Is he happy? Are you happy?

2 weeks ago

Your story resonated with me. Thanks for being honest and open about what you are feeling and going through. Not easy to put yourself out there. Sometimes we stay in relationships we know are not healthy because it’s easier than facing the unknown. Been there, done that. BUT that underlying unhappiness is not going to go away simply by ignoring it and pretending you are okay. I stayed with my husband when he made me not want to be anymore because we had a child together and I was afraid about finances. It was so scary to leave but the best I thing I ever did. No judgement here on whether you stay or leave. I get it. I wish you all the best.

2 weeks ago

Stay strong and know you are not the only one going through this kind of experience.

2 weeks ago

Why your brother? I’d go if I was you, love can only go so far… *hugs*

kat
2 weeks ago

I could never get over my ex cheating…never! it was in the back of my mind slowly killing me and I never trusted him after that. Like is too short to stay in a semi loveless marriage! leave while you are young enough to find a soul mate to grow old with

 

1 week ago

You are not stupid for forgiving him, you did what you thought was best, mostly for the kids. At some point you have to do what makes you happy, no matter how hard it may be.