Hello My Old Friend.

Back on OD after so many years.  One thing never changes, I still suck at starting an entry.  I guess catching up is in order.

After my last entry, I went through a lot.  Went back to school and spent too much money to get into a career that doesn’t pay anything.  Did land a stable job though.  Ended up falling in love with the most amazing man I’ve ever known.  We got married in June of 2016.  Between then and June of 2017 we went through absolute hell.  Between problems with family and him almost dying multiple times (I’ll go into more detail at a later date), we survived and recovered.  I ended up getting a new job and we bought a house together.  By July of 2017, we thought nothing else bad could happen to us, outside of the family drama that never ends.  By December we were so optimistic that things were finally going to go right; around Christmas we found out we were finally pregnant after trying for so long.  Life seemed like it was finally making sense and that everything was going to be ok.  Then on New Years day we woke up to discover I was bleeding.  After rushing to the hospital, we found out that we had miscarried.  We miscarried again two months later.  After months of unsuccessful trying, we miscarried a third time – a few days after our first baby’s due date.  Every loss is destroying me more and more.  I feel so empty.  This isn’t how I wanted to write my first back to OD entry, but we just got the results to our blood work we had done to find out why this keeps happening.  Everything came back normal.  All test results so far have come back normal.  Which sounds like good news, and it is, except that it also means that we still have no answers.  Today has been an extremely emotional day and I now have a headache from crying so much, so I guess this is where I wrap things up.  More to come soon.  I’ve needed an outlet to get everything out so bad, I was so excited to see that opendiary was a thing again!  I missed it so much!

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November 7, 2018

Nice to see you back, welcome!

November 7, 2018

Infertility is a painful experience to have to go through, and I’m sorry that you have had to endure it. You are not alone in this. Many people know your pain. Please know that whenever you can talk about it, your words will fall on sympathetic ears.

November 7, 2018

@emiliasdance Thank you for your kind words!  I was hoping that would be the case, as no one in my every day life understands and it’s killing me.