Evil Tool Of The Trade

It is highly unusual that I ever experience any kind of kindergarten flashback, positive or negative, but here we are. 

Still, if there was ever a clearly visible badge of shame, these scissors would be it.  In elementary school, no matter how hard I tried, which was not very often, I could never use these scissors.  In fact, just seeing those green handles was enough to make me steer clear of these scissors completely. 

I am left-handed and I’ve been left-handed all my life.  It’s been my normal for many years and it will continue to be my normal until the day I die.  Not that I have a choice in the matter, but I don’t and wouldn’t want to be right-handed.  I’m okay with being in the minority here.    

Sure, I’ve had to make adjustments throughout the course of my life when it comes to doing things.  For the most part, I’ve just sort of dealt with being a lefty as best I could, never complaining about things because the world just so happened to be tailored for those whose dominant hand was the right one.  Life, like sports, is all about making adjustments and dealing with things the best way we know how. 

I say all of this, while withholding quite possibly the biggest thing about this whole post. 

While I am left-handed, in terms of the hand with which I write, I tend to do most things with my right hand.  Not that I want to mention this or use this as some kind of “flex (a term of modern-day slang that I don’t particularly care for)”, but I think that LeBron James and former MLB star Reggie Sanders were similarly-abled.  They are lefties, but in using their right hands in their respective sports, they effectively mask their left-handedness. 

So, what is it that I do exclusively with my left hand?

Let me think…

–Write

–Hold/use a fork and spoon

–Wipe

–Masturbate

Yeah, that’s pretty much it.  I thought there’d be more, but that’s all I can think of at the moment.                              

Everything else, I can do right-handed. 

I have more power in my right hand, right foot, and right leg than those on my left side.

In going back to the original point of this entry, I also know how to cut using scissors with my right hand.  It was because of this that I never had to worry about using those dumb, green-handled, lefty scissors. 

So, in some way, I feel bad for those kids and grown folk who have to use left-handed scissors. 

I don’t know what that sort of misery is like, but I would imagine that it sucks.