Monday School: An Atheist Christmas FAQ

Welcome back to another Monday School! Still your go to place for “The Rational Corrective To All That Nonsense They Tried To Teach You Yesterday!”

For today’s lesson continues a theme I started a few weeks back: Can Atheists celebrate Christmas without looking hypocritical?

Like I said the first time I talked about subject, I responded with a resounding yes. Today’s Christmas has become so commercialized that it’s no where near the holiday it started off as, which makes it okay for Atheists to enjoy as well because there is little if any religious worship anymore in today’s capitalist society. People worship other figures such as Santa Claus despite the fact that it’s a gross violation of the second commandment, but no one seems to care about that. As long as they get their presents (um, Gluttony anyone?) they don’t seem to give a hoot about the alleged religious consequences. Since religious people seem to have no issue doing whatever they want on the holiday, that clearly opens the door for Atheists to celebrate it anyway they want too without feeling bad about it.

So onto today’s lesson: I saw this great survey on another diary and thought it would be the perfect entry to post on this Christmas Eve edition of Monday School. Despite being non-believers, many atheists still enjoy celebrating the holidays with family and friends and why not? We like having fun too even if we thing the origins of them are complete bullshit.

So without further delay, here is the Atheist Christmas FAQ:

1. Why are you writing a Christmas FAQ?

This is an entry that was created by Oliver Hailey and I thought it would make an amazing pre-Christmas entry. With Oliver’s permission, I’m posting this survey (with my own answers) which I thought it would be the perfect Monday School entry for Christmas Eve.

2. What’s it like to be an atheist at Christmas time?

Pretty much like being a guest at someone’s house. You get to enjoy all the cool stuff and not have to do any of the hard stuff afterwards. We get to celebrate the cool stuff, such as gifts, food and what not but without the dogma and religious bullshit that is usually associated with it. It’s like being allowed to skip your veggies and move right onto desert. In other words, it’s awesome.

3. Why celebrate Christmas if you’re an atheist?

Why not? I’m not Irish but that doesn’t stop me from getting shit faced on St. Paddy’s Day. Normally I don’t need a reason to have a good time

4, Why do you hate Baby Jesus anyway?

I don’t hate Baby Jesus anymore than I hate Santa Claus… he doesn’t exist either. You can’t hate Jesus anymore than you can hate a fictional character in a book because the person isn’t real. People just call that hate when the proper term for it is denial; we deny that the story ever happened. There is no evidence to suggest it ever did, not yet anyway.

Without evidence, you’ll have a hard time trying to convince me that a God impregnated a woman who they claim was a virgin (even thought she was already married to Joseph for some time) and all the other bullshit that comes from the star and wise men and all rubbish.

5. Are you going to tell your child about Santa Claus?

I didn’t tell my kids about Santa because I don’t like lying to my children. I told then that a guy with a white beard and a chubby belly came over every Christmas and gave him gifts. That was true until this year because my Father shaved off his beard and lost 80lbs. Thanks Dad.

Ethan learned about Santa from school so now I’ve had to fib, but I’m also curious to see how long this lasts. Not too long I hope.

6. What’s your thought about the War on Christmas?

The whole war on Christmas is complete bullocks. The fact that Fox News is talking about that instead of gun control is revolting. There are bigger things being talked about right now and that pathetic network can only talk about an issue that they fuelled just to avoid talking about things that really matter. And this is why I removed that horrible channel from my cable package.

If there was a war on Christmas, it’s already over. Wallmart, Hallmark and countless other commercial entities hijacked the holiday long before this whole war bullshit started on Fox News. Right now Christmas is more commercial than religious, which is just fine by me… but if there really ever was a war, it was capitalism vs. religion and this one was over before it begun.

Personally, the only thing Atheists have a problem with is religious displays on public property. Right now in the heart of the city where I live, there is a nativity scene in a small park located in the downtown section. The display is huge and it’s sponsored by the city which upsets me a great deal. Trust me, when I can afford it I plan to sue the city and have it removed permanently. If someone wants to put it on their own lawn, or if a church puts it on their property, then that’s cool. But the moment it’s put on public land and is sponsored by local government, that’s where I get upset.

Believe me… if any my new books make just a scrap of money that will be one of my first targets.

7. Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?

If someone were to say Merry Xmas to me, I wouldn’t get offended. They’re trying to be nice and I take it as that and nothing more. But I happen to know a lot of people who celebrate the other holidays that also occur in December, so to save myself some time and trouble, I go with ‘happy holidays’ to cover everything. It means the same thing so people who get upset about it are asshats that need to get a life.

8. Do you go to a church service, or mass, or something?

Nope, haven’t attended a church service in a very, very long time. I don’t plan to ever set foot in a church ever again unless it’s for a wedding or a funeral. That’s it.

9. What are charities are you giving to this year?

I’m unable to donate money this time but I’ve given a lot of my time to various charities this year. More than enough in my books and that will have to do for now.

10. What are you getting everyone this year?

I got Ethan a new game for his Nintendo DS. He will love it as it’s based on one of his favourite movies this year: Ice Age 4.

Jonathan is getting a new leap-pad which will help him with his words and development. I think he’ll really get a kick out of it.

I got gifts for everyone else as well… even my ex. I wrote down on the card it’s from Ethan and Jon and not me. Ethan can’t afford to get her anything but I know he wants to give her something for the holidays so I got something for him.

11. What are you doing for Christmas Dinner?

I had considered the usual turkey dinner, but the kids don’t like turkey so I wasgoing to consider doing a roast chicken with all the fixings. That idea got quickly nixed when my older brother told me what he was giving me for Xmas. He’s going to take me and my boys out for dinner, and he’s buying.

We’re going to hit my favourite Chinese buffet called The Mandarin. The place is huge and has an enormous selection of food, so they’ll be a little bit of everything for everyone. So if I want to have turkey I can without forcing the boys to have some too. Or if I prefer to have something else, like shrimp and salads and fish, that’s cool too.

My brother decided to do this for me so I wouldn’t have to spend all day making dinner and then half the night cleaning up afterwards, saving me a lot of time and trouble. I couldn’t have asked for a better gift, it was very thoughtful of him.