what happened to od?

okay, so i’m all about revision and revamping, but when you’ve been a certain way for years you can’t change without notice, so c’mon on od, what happened here?   given time i might like it.

worst week ever, worst part is that i am trying the hardest i ever have to be positive and i’m still thinking that i want to go to sleep and wake up in may. 

event a. that has led to worst week ever:  my mom won 2 box seats (we’re talking up close and personal) to the home opener at the NEW busch stadium and asked my sister in law to go and not me.  her reasoning, my brother told her to (note: kick brother’s ass) and that i had class.  i’m sorry, the first game ever at the NEW (did i mention that?) busch stadium and you don’t ask your daughter who is obsessed with Cardinals baseball??

let’s preface the rest with the fact that i am not a cryer, i’m not.  i’ve had a cyst cut off my eye with no sedation or anestetic (sp?), i’ve had a cavity filled while the nerves were not dead, and i’ve torn the tendons in my ankle (3x) and I have never cried.  i don’t cry at funerals, i don’t cry because they boy of the week doesn’t love me, etc.  In fact, I can only think of four times that I have ever lost it.  Well after this little run in with the cardinals tickets, i can count it as five, because i LOST it.  I was sobbing in the middle of the wal-mart freezer aisle for the most ridiculous reason ever, my mom didn’t ask me and because i’ll never get this chance again.  i mean, for gods sake, they had my puppy put to sleep over thanksgiving break and i didn’t shed a tear, but i cried twice in one night for this fricken tickets. 

i am selfish and a loser. and its a good thing my mom is genuinely cool, because at least i still love her.

event b. that led to worse week ever:  i realized today that my best friend’s 21st birthday celebration and my internship’s editors prize banquet/winner readings are on the same weekend/the same night.  so i have to pick between them.  its obviously the birthday party (only happens once and it will be a blast) however, i don’t know how i’m going to get out of the banquet.  the birthday party is most important to me, but i’m not going to lie, i wanted to go to the banquet as well.  it’s a big deal, dressy, expensive, fanciness, plus i’m on the event planning committee, its what we’ve been working towards all semester.  but again, if i have to pick, i pick tunica.  I just hope that my grade doesn’t depend on my being there. 

plus the boy i’m going to marry (aka the boy of the week) will be there and now i will be unable to woo him with my ways (hahaha, i jest).

i’m a little afraid to go even wake up tomorrow, i’m sure there is some other important event going on in my life (possibly that i don’t even know about yet) that will be cancelled or will prove impossible to attend.  sighs…. sometimes i really think that i am doomed so that nothing that i really desire will ever come true, because as of now, i’m still waiting for anything i’ve really looked forward to to happen (i’m talking about things on the level of the baseball tickets, etc).