grass is greener syndrome

things are temporarily ok with me and P. I guess

I feel like I’m on the edge of having a nervous breakdown lately. I was super worried about my medical health for so long. and I was concerned for my mental health then also. but now it seems the Lexapro has helped with my anxiety. I would say it’s 75% better. my depression and constant anxiety about when will the next shoe drop.

my issue right now is that I’m dependent on Kratom. and weed pens, but that’s not as bad. I spend all my money to get kratom extract. it feels like an opiate. feels so relaxing and great. I love it and now my tolerance is so high, regular kratom doesn’t do shit for me anymore.

paige and I are fighting again. that’s not a surprise at all.

we are always having communication problems. today, she was off work and I had to work. we had to get up super early, like ass the crack of dawn, for an appointment about this new and fun hernia that has developed inside my belly button…or what used to be a belly button.

I just want a peaceful life and I’m not sure I can have that with her. I want to stop repeating our cycles and get through to each other. but it takes 2 people to make that work.

I’m upset about my kid, and the fact that I wasn’t invited to my sister’s graduation when I live an hour away. my mom said some dumb answer about me having to work and she didn’t want me to have to take time off…

I don’t know what’s going on with me. my moods and temper have been a little rough lately. I don’t know how to stop.