03/17/2013

I’m still here and not dead.

I don’t know why I don’t write – possibly because I wonder if anyone would believe how my life is now…

I still love my students, love where I work – even as it falls apart around me because Capt. Ahab is running my school and let a PSYCHO take the helm – and now they wonder why we are on the news for so many negative things….

But I love my students, and that is the only reason I have not said fuck it all and gone on to do something else.

My other joy is now I am no longer “the union” at my school, and people are slowly volunteering to help out with more things. But what the shit hits the fan I get to deal with all of that – which has been most of my weekends for awhile.

Where does the time go? If I think too much I feel my brain will fall apart…

Somewhere in there I’ve turned 32, which does not phase me in the least as apparently my students think I am lying and I am only 24 – and apparently have been since I met some of these kids when they were in elementary school…

The only significance of that is that it means I have been on here for nine years now. Holy shit! Nine years, and that even includes the lost entries from the great great of ’04. Which reminds me I need to back things up again…

I keep thinking I should write again – but then my lovely boyfriend got me into gaming and OCD girl here must complete all the quests in a game to be happy . . . Then he got me Elder Scrolls: Skyrim – the bastard…

Yay for rambling, but rambling is writing and this makes me feel a bit saner at the moment. And yet I recall sleeping much better years ago when I vented all the little voices in my head more often.

I often say I need to start writing again, but then don’t. For me there seems to be this nagging guilt in coming back to something that I seemingly abandoned – but I never have gone away completely. Every year I update my OD Plus subscription, forgoing the lifetime subscription because I like the idea of continually supporting OD. And I check here constantly to see what others have written, which makes me feel like a stalker quite a bit – but this site is such a fascinating microcosm of life. There is just so much here, and it seems more real than a lot of other things I stumble upon. People are more honest here and I enjoy that. I’ve met people here on OD whom I greatly respect and think of as friends, even though life drifts in so many ways there are people I deeply care about that I ‘met’ here.

I suppose that is enough rambling. What I need is sleep, which perhaps I will get tonight for a change, but that is a good thing.