8/14/07
I don’t know what to write.
I need to write, need to get this out of me, need to make myself stop feeling and hurting.
But I don’t know where to start. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.
I just know I hate this, I want it to stop. I hate myself and nothing can change that. I hate feeling, thinking, remembering.
I want a real blank slate. I don’t want memories anymore. I want to start over entirely and create a new life and see what happens. Everything left behind won’t affect me anymore, can’t shape me.
If that is the case, who would I become? Who would I be if I had no memories at all of anything?
I know the value we place on these intangible pictures. We make them precious, and they truly are priceless. They are all one of a kind, and while we can share them, it will never be the same.
With these gone, the mirror shattered – who do we become?
That is how desperately I want to start over, how much I don’t want to be me anymore.
I don’t know how many times I spoke words similar to that. I wish I could leave stuff behind and never look back. And I know the feeling of wanting to write so bad and not having the words to say. But I think that a life without the memories would be a sad one. Sad but free. To leave both good and bad behind. *hugz*
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(((HUGS))) I’m not sure what to suggest.
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I get that feeling sometimes. Not sure I’d want to loose my memories though… For an atheist, memories are the closest we get to souls. It would be nice to start over though. Who do you think you’d want to be if someone could reshape you into anything?
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sorry you know that that feels like too =( so it’s been a while how’s life treated you since then?
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