Don’t Feel Obligated

to read this entry / i simply need to air it out today as it were / my alone-ness feels overwhelming / it is crushing //

i’ve spent years searching for a source of wisdom / a guru / a teacher i can believe understands ideas i do not / one that can guide me and discuss what i see and show me my errors objectively / i am terrified i will never find this “one” / that i will spend eternity alone //

i have so many questions / how is it that i see and believe things that those around me do not? / how am i alone in my visions? / hallucinations? / what’s the real difference? / is what i see and believe of any value? / is it substantial? / or just the thoughts of a drying worm in the sun on the sidewalk after a downpour? //

yeah I know / i get snickers all the time /  patronizing smiles / dotage comments more frequently now //

and yes i am an escaped mental patient from an institution back in the peoples republic of Massachusetts //

were my “keepers” right? / am i sick? //

do i really know how to stop global warming? / solve the energy crisis by constructing a cellular network of vertical axis wind turbines? //

do i really understand Karl Friston’s “Free Energy Principle” and Markov’s “Blankets”? // and that Friston is overlooking some basic assumptions which need addressing before he can claim credibility? / for example how can a biological unit have expectations? / where are the credentials stored? / what mechanism could have possibly caused this come into being? //

and what about “The Prime Commandment” that instructs us that every living thing marches to the same DNA concert that is really a time capsule which carries a message too advanced for our dim awareness to comprehend? / and in who’s hand is it written and to whom is it addressed? / “The Prime Commandment” is the source of every behavior and predilection in humanity as well as all other “living” entities / a grand social unification of sorts? //

and why is it so simple and obvious? //

the only thing we can know is what we feel / everything else is only belief / feeling is the drum beat of “The Prime Commandment” / belief is all we have left to our pathetic feeble intellect //

and time? / simply / time is how our brains integrate change / we don’t really sense the passage of anything / we chronicle any change in our environment our senses report to us / once entropy averages out the universe and all the fuel has been expended / nothing will ever change again and from our perspective (not that anyone will still be around to observe the event) time will stop //

or is it all an illusion that floats between our ears and really nothing is knowable / even that which we feel is just belief)? //

it’s exhausting to have this relentlessly roaring in my mind //

i should turn myself in / they did have some fine meds back there / and I have heard it said that ignorance is bliss / ah yes / bliss / blissful blissity bliss bliss bliss/ i’m outta’ here ///


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April 25, 2019

Just stopping by to see how you are doing… haven’t seen ya on lately.

May 23, 2020

ohhhhhhh here are were words that have sound to them and take flight among the uncaged birds.   Well then ~ thanks for requesting a connection on this tadpole site.   We will now let the dance unfold.  ~ little grin ~