next day

im still furious. I want to beat the fuck out of my sister so badly. and I want to spit in my dads face. he’s not even my dad he’s just an irrelevant man my mom married. I hate this all. and I hate being in fights with my family members. not even cause I love them or some shit I hate them all. but because its negativity on me. in a few years ill be a nurse and I won’t have to depend on a single one of them for money and the second I become a nurse im moving away. I don’t want to be here. they fucked up my mental health. they’ve ruined me throughout the years. I love my mommy though deeply but she used to play a strong role in all this. even though she doesn’t anymore the damage is still there. my whole body is sore from the fight yesterday and I have work soon. I had to go to the ER last night because my foot cant move in certain angles. its still hurting me but no way im calling off. I need the money. the more money I have the less I have to ask my dad for shit. I only use him. I know we’ll get passed this but I still hate him deep down inside but I still need his money. the second I no longer need it im out. im giving him back everything he’s ever bought me such as my phone and car. and ill go buy a new phone and lease my own car and rent my own condo near the hospital I plan on working at. now that’s when ill become happy. like truly happy. I don’t plan on getting married or having kids, I would rather be alone. and that’s the plan…. is to get the fuck out of here and be on my own.

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April 17, 2021

if you are aware of the damage then you can change it. hope you are able to talk to someone