Nothing Better…

What if Sisyphus

always

had a choice

and just always put himself behind that boulder

and

at the bottom of that hill?

What does another go at it change?

Got nothing better to do, so let’s just be miserable.

I know I’m wrong just as much as I’m right. I’m just noticing my pain any notice. Fuck me for letting it get this bad. Fuck me for failing.

But fuck him because I said it was okay.

And, truly, it is. I’ve earned this pain and this loneliness. And why shouldn’t it feel this way? Even if I’m stuck living with my parents because of this.

I’ve been worried about them for over a year. Maybe this was all the point

Lose this, gain piece of mind because, well, you’re the caretaker now, dog.

I can hear sleep at the door. It’s the only true peace I can find from myself these days.

Except when my failures follow me there, as it has for quite a bit now.

I’m so very alone in this.