02/02/2010
If it weren’t for Metallica, Disturbed, Sevendust and Audioslave I do not think I would have got through this day. Nothing like cranking those tunes up SO bloody loud, pounding the pavement and getting the anger out. I’m bloody tierd now though, three hours or so of walking with a bit of a jog thrown in there when the songs encouraged it. I think I might have sung at times whilst running through the bush – thinking I’m turning crazy if I wasn’t already there…..
Started my course on Monday. Talk about demoralizing….. think with in the first five minutes the lecturer slammed my idea of a business…. I know the CD industry is on a downhill slide but a girl’s gotta hang onto her dream of owning a record store as its the only thing I’ve ever particularly dreamt of. That and designing album covers, but I’d have to be able to draw for that one. I certainly know working for the man for the rest of my life is not something I particularly want to do. I think the lecturer thinks we all want to make big bucks from our business, but I just want my store, to make enough money to survive, and just be able to get up each morning and know that I am going into a place where I can be surrounded by amazing artists and tunes and know that I can live the chilled out life I’ve wanted too (don’t get me wrong I know a business is hard work but work is not overly that hard when it is work enjoyed) Quite happy for it to be an old school kinda store for the serious collector who doesn’t want to go digital….. I wish technology would stop where it is. Do we really need anymore?
Had a job interview today….. apparently I am very friendly and extremely calm. Everyone always says I’m calm…. chilled out…. Hell, maybe I should go into acting, I seem to fool most people! Don’t get me wrong, most the time I am pretty chilled, I can sit and enjoy the passing of time and watching the world go by for hours on end because it means my head is not thinking and when its not thinking its not sad, its not depressed, its not nothing. I try to go to that level quite a bit……. but when my head starts thinking thats when I have the issue, it whirls and whirls and never stops going over and over the need to get the hell out of the world and this feeling….
It’s so hard to make sense of my head….. its up and down and all around. Happy than sad, chilled than riled, angry than placid….. one thing that never changes seems to be my hate for myself.
I think somehow my downer for the night has just kicked in so best be off…. to end with what my sister and I always say to eachother when wishing one a good night….. Sweet dreams and flying machines (I don’t think she knows the rest of that lyric is ‘is pieces on the ground’)
peace
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