02/21/2010

‘Music washes away from the soul, the dust of everyday life……..’ -Berthold Auerbach

Went to Soundwaves festival yesterday….. man does Janes Addiction put on a show! Perry Farrel just loves the attention….. Dave Navarro is a bloody awesome guitarist as well. Faith No More were awesome….. they did a cover of Lady GaGa’s ‘Poker Face’ which got everyone going ‘wtf?’ but I thought it was pretty amusing. Nothing like being in a crowd in a festival on a hot summers day with the lovely aromas of 10 hours of sweating people’s B.O. (mixed with the smell of alot of weed) Quite liked AFI as well, checked out Paramore but wasn’t the biggest fan, I should support them though its not often you see a female fronted alternative band…. I like some of the stuff she does more acoustically though.

Its been a bit of a busy week. Monday was cancelled out due to my inability to do anything. I couldn’t handle leaving the house, I just stayed in my room for the entire day, which is becoming a habit lately and one I really need to do something about.

Tuesday I had a job interview, Wednesday I had an interview with a recruitment agency – the heavens just happened to open as I hopped off the bus, the winds picked up and flash flooding hit the city, as I was trying to co-ordinate holding an umbrella and reading a map….. which didn’t really work. Looked like a mad woman by the time I got there! (which I guess I kind of am…) To top it off they took a photo of me for their files, hideous, I didn’t think it would go down well if I said I don’t do photos. Thursday I had to go find things for my best mates birthday present, then go to my course and Friday I had a call back interview, which if my references check out, I will start working next week sometime (eeek). Headed to the pub for lunch and a pint after the interview, then back home and up to my local for a catch up with an old school friend, and headed to Soundwaves yesterday. Have done nothing but watch telly and eat shit today which probably doesn’t do the best to helping my mood.

So life seems to be changing a bit, first my course, now a job… it freaks the shit out of me to be honest. I think I am getting more and more depressed every day and I’m just hoping my mask can stay up and people don’t know. Its becoming a pretty constant struggle each day to get up and get through the day. I really think I should go to the doctor and see if there is something I can take. But I am too shy and scared to go, and the pills I used to take when I was 13 did nothing. I guess I’m afraid they will lock me up and throw away the key. It’s not like they didn’t before. I’m guessing I would have alot more input on the options being over 18 now, but I still wouldn’t be suprised.

I found my old diaries the other day, tied up in a bundle in a drawer. I read through one of them, from when I was about 16, it was all a bit challanging to read. Man was I a stoner….. and losing the plot. Now I’ve replaced the weed with the wine but the losing the plot thing remains. Kinda made me sad, to see I haven’t managed to change and I’ve just been digging further into the grave so to speak. To know you have wasted a good many years in this world fighting an endless battle in your mind and instead of getting better your just falling further down. Will be interesting to read the ones from when I am 13, to see if I can see where it all started.

Anyway, time for bed for me, didn’t get to bed til 1 last night and was up at 5. Have so much trouble sleeping after gigs/festivals, my minds always a whir of thoughts. Its about the only time I feel genuinely happy is watching live music. My mind just completely lets go and the music just takes over. Or maybe its the music and the drugs 😛

"See, I think drugs have done good things for us, I really do…… And if you don’t believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favour: Go home tonight and take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CD’s and burn them. Cause you know the musicians who made all that great music thats enhanced your life throughout the years……. REeeeeallly f**king high on drugs" – Bill Hicks

Peace