Drunken Rambles

I wrote this last night when I had come home from a night out…. was on a bit of a come down…. so excuse the rambling…

I’ve screwed up.  Big time.  I’ve hated my life and self for so long, I’ve forgotten to enjoy my life along the way.  So many amazing people have come, and gone, in my life.  Yet I’ve only truely appreciated them once they were gone.  If only there were a remedy to make me enjoy the present while it is happening.  I shouldn’t regret a thing, as its life, and the days will roll by no matter how you chose to live and aknowledge them.  But in this moment, I wish I had said ‘yes’ not ‘no’ to SO many situations.  I wish I’d enjoyed the situations I’ve been in more.  Lived in the moment and enjoyed that moment to its fullest potential.

It’s like the black dog, living in this world makes it so hard to function.  I live each day hoping I can make it to the next, but dreaming it will all come to an end.  Anyway.  Anyhow.  Just somehow.  And its so hard to live when all you can dream about is dying.  FAlling apart.  Lying still until the droan in your head stops and you are finally free.

How are you meant to explain this, when nothing is wrong, but nothing is right?

When you just keep plodding along, hoping no one will hate you for your self absorbed stupidity, unsure whether to wish to find your way out of this hell, or to wish to fall deeper inside it…

….Say Hello To Heaven….

         …. but you are going to hell…,