drawing blank

I’m drawing a blank here. Im not sure what drew to start writing here. For public view of all things. I used to write poetry things that would normally flood my brain in the shower. I noticed a couple years back that doesn’t happen anymore. I wondered what that was all about. I haven’t been able to bring myself to write about what happened with Deo as I do not want to believe it’s true just yet. Nearly a decade and now nothing. I don’t know how to move on from it. But the things is I’ll have to. I ate again yesterday. I’m glad I’m eating it’s a good sign. I have a million things to do today before I retreat for the holidays. Still I can’t seem to get up of this couch. I have been reading so much it’s the only thing that shuts my brain. I’ve managed to stay of social media now for about a week. I haven’t had a drink since thanksgiving weekend. I’m considering not drinking anymore but then again I enjoy a glass or two when I’m out with friends. Takes the edge off too otherwise I stay in my head and it simply blocks any sort of human bond. Why must I live in my brain. I wonder if I’ll keep this up. Writing like this.  I think it helps. But helps what exactly. I’m simply drawing a blank in life. Not on this page but life in general. Like what’s the point. Xmas is here in a few days but like what’s the point. Work what’s the point. Calling friends. What’s the point. Cleaning the house what’s the point. Saving or even spending money for that matter. What’s the point. See where I’m going with this what’s the point to anything really. I’ve decided I’m going to float myself through life. Like I haven’t done so for 40 years. Things just feel a lil bit different for now. I should get up and do laundry or shower but honestly what’s the point. (wtp)!!!

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