I have to keep on going. I have responsibilities. Little ones to feed. Laundry to be done. My room is a mess. My house is a mess. I’m surprised I had enough in me to put the tree up but then again a Xmas tree is one of my very lovely memories of childhood. I was just telling my daughter how I used to sleep to the tree lights in the living room when I was growing up. Quite joyful and reminiscent to me. I figured I’d make some breakfast today. The kids are home from school and I happen to be off. My youngest said I decide to be an American today. Eggs. Hashbrowns and bacon. So I suppose. I decided I’m going to move on with life. I calculate that I have about 20 good years left in me. If not now then when. I have to vow to myself to live the best 20 years of my life. I don’t know how. I don’t know what they’ll look like. I suppose the smaller things can’t matter. Connections do. Fulfillment does but what type of fulfillment. Food. Friends. Drinks. Trips. Books. Calls. Tv. Those are some of the fun things in life. But what’s the point. I don’t know. I do know I have to make a decision to try and be happy. But who is these days. You hear so much. I wish I wasn’t in my head all day.

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