19.05.2023

My heart fell when you walked through the door last night.

It raced when I realized you were entirely too drunk and too high.

It breathed a sigh of relief when you passed out on the couch.

I went to my room and locked the door.  The door which you hadn’t entered for years, until the night before.

I tried to distract myself, desperately.  My whole body felt restless and I struggled to find my breath.

A few hours later you were in the room.  I held my breath and pretended to sleep.  Another flood of relief when I heard you start to snore.

I’m exhausted, I reach my arm out straight and put it on your back.  To create a physical barrier between your body and mine.  I can’t believe my body betrays me and falls asleep.

The sun is up.  I know I need sugar, but I lie still and contemplate drifting into a coma of nothingness.  I don’t want to move.  I don’t want to wake you.

I eventually move slowly and quietly.  Coma adverted.  But your eyes are open, and then you move.

I’m in your arms.  My body is stiff, as you run your hands over me and press into me from behind.  I won’t beg this time.  I’ll just think about the peacefulness of if I had drifted into my coma.

Shes awake.  She’s so happy to see us together.  She’s in the bed between is, causing us to separate.  I force a smile and ask her to tell me about her dreams.

She always has big dreams, todays don’t disappoint.

I want you to keep dreaming big sweet girl.  I want you to have the world.  I will do whatever I have to do to give it to you.

To the moon sweet girl xx