Recent Entries

• 28.05.2023

  May 28, 2023

  Perspective. I keep hoping that time will give me more of it, but it just makes everything more unclear. Two days ago I had a plan.  I was resolved in my decision, no matter what the outcome…. And then he did the dishes. How can something so simple play such head games with me?  How…

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• 26.05.2023

  May 26, 2023

  This is not the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I lost my mom.  I curled up in her bed while she gasped for every breath.   That was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. People that had no business being there came in the room…

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• 24.05.2023

  May 24, 2023

  One step forward forward… Ten steps back.

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• 23.05.2023

  May 23, 2023

  There’s a whirl wind of emotions today. I feel like a yo-yo. One minute there is a sense of relief, I feel motivated to move forward, my confidence is growing. The next there is no wind in my sails.  I want nothing more than to crawl into bed and hibernate.  Bury my head until it’s…

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• 22.05.2023

  May 22, 2023

  It happened again. It doesn’t feel the same this time.  When I woke up a week ago I felt broken.  Today I don’t feel anything, except maybe acceptance. Hes being sweet today.  I actually smiled watching him with her.  It’s like her confidence blossoms under his praise.  She usually shrinks, but t...

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• 21.05.2023

  May 21, 2023

  I feel like I have so much to say today, but I can’t find the words. I spent the morning in the hospital.  It was my own fault.  They wanted me to stay, but I left. I’m not sure that I learned a lesson from it though.  Im not sure that the actions weren’t worth…

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• 20.05.2023 (2)

  May 20, 2023

  Pretending is hard. It was a long day pretending to be normal. it’s only been 5 days but normal feels like a lifetime ago. I confided in someone today, their reaction stung.  I have no right to feel hurt. Maybe none of it is a big deal, maybe I’m blowing it up in my head.…

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• 20.05.2023

  May 20, 2023

  I am definitely way too hungover today.  My body feels like it’s dying. I should have stopped after the first drink last night.  I already knew it was hitting me too hard. He wanted me to go to a friends cabin.  I didn’t want to leave her alone.  She insisted we go, so I took…

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• 19.05.2023 (2)

  May 19, 2023

  I’ve spent too much money on make up. I’ve watched all the videos online as to how to mask my secrets. I should cancel tonight.  She’ll see through my bullshit.  She always does.  I can’t afford to let her see through it. I haven’t eaten since Sunday.  We’re going to my favourite restaurant.  Wil...

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