Recent Entries

• 23.11.2023

  November 24, 2023

  I’m sat in the parking lot of a school trying to talk myself into putting a smile on my face and pretend everything is wonderful and watch A’s volleyball game. Yesterday was a good day… work wise anyway.  I was beginning to feel like myself again.  It was a long evening and I could feel…

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• 21.11.2023

  November 22, 2023

  It’s our anniversary. Not our wedding anniversary, the one before that.  The one he apparently remembers the date of. For years I’ve made posts about how it’s been however many years since my last first date and posted pictures of us so much younger, so naive. It’s funny, after that first date I ...

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• 19.11.2023

  November 19, 2023

  I use to be a good mother. It was something that I held onto. Since she came into the world she has been my whole reason for being.  Nothing else has mattered outside of making sure her life is everything she deserves it to be. So what happens when you’re the one that is hindering…

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• 18.11.2023

  November 18, 2023

  I’ve started and erased this entry 100 times now. My heart has been sad all day today… tonight it feels shattered. I don’t think words will fix anything today.

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• 17.11.2023

  November 17, 2023

  I didn’t sleep last night, which is different from normal when I’m in this depressive fog, usually I shut down and my body just wants to sleep 22 of the 24 hours of the day.  It has no desire to think or function and feeling anything is just exhausting. I turned on a movie, it…

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• 16.11.2023

  November 16, 2023

  It’s been a while… there’s a few entries along the way that we’re too ugly to post for all to see.  Looking back to six months ago it’s amazing how much I’ve changed, but at the same time am still the same.  Something broke in me yesterday… this is my attempt at dealing with it…

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• 29.05.2023

  May 29, 2023

  Today I want to face everything head on. At least that’s how it started… Im tired of being a mess.  I hate feeling unsure.  I miss my confidence. I can’t even find my words today to express how I feel. Facing everything head on is less appealing than it was this morning.  Now I just…

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• 28.05.2023

  May 28, 2023

  Perspective. I keep hoping that time will give me more of it, but it just makes everything more unclear. Two days ago I had a plan.  I was resolved in my decision, no matter what the outcome…. And then he did the dishes. How can something so simple play such head games with me?  How…

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• 26.05.2023

  May 26, 2023

  This is not the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I lost my mom.  I curled up in her bed while she gasped for every breath.   That was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. People that had no business being there came in the room…

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