19.11.2023

I use to be a good mother.

It was something that I held onto. Since she came into the world she has been my whole reason for being.  Nothing else has mattered outside of making sure her life is everything she deserves it to be.

So what happens when you’re the one that is hindering her happiness?  When you are the one that is making her sad?  When you find yourself tearing her down instead of building her up?

I know all parents have their bad days when they’re not at their best… I’ve apologized to her more than once when I let my bad day spill over and she’s felt the effects of my mood, getting mad at her when my anger should have been directed elsewhere… I always made sure she knew that it had nothing to do with her and didn’t make excuses.  She deserved better and I told her so.

Im sorry doesn’t seem adequate right now.  My days of unable to get out of bed are wearing on her.  I don’t have a terrible temper, but she’s felt my snappy remarks.  She’s asked me what she’s doing wrong… it tears my heart out.

I want more than anything for her to have people in her life that build her up, that make her smile.  I want her to have role models in her life that show her how to be strong and confident in who she is and how to treat others with love and respect.  I want her to have everything that she deserves.

I’m failing her… she deserves so much more.