I walk alone..alone..alone.

BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS (Green Day)

 

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Ok yeah..So I am different. I get that. I like that I am different but sometimes the urge to be a mindless sheepy drone is way up there..Especially when I am overly emotional and alone inside.

I mean way up there..

I also get tired of such comments I get from people in town in why I am not ever gonna be thier friend or someone they hang out with or talk to.

I get comments like this way too much:

You are just so..wierd.

can you not try to be normal?

WHat is with you anyway.

…

la sigh. well. fuck it.

I guess I well just walk alone..Pound on my drum with a different beat and not really give a fuck if my friend circle is say..Four people.

If people don’t like me fuck em.

That is pretty hard to say when you are as lonesome as I get sometimes just so you know.

…

On positive notes.

I talked to boomer yesterday.. I adore talking to him muchly. Whenever I question if anyone gets this pain in my brain,My doubts. My differences all of it..I dont question. I believe he is most certainly a kindred spirit. He gets the way I feel. I love him for it. Which is why even if I never want him in the way I want him now I would still want him.Make sense? meh..It does to me.

Also there is mah Jamitah. Even though here and I are so different..I do believe she gets me also. Which is why I cherish her so. Then there is my Benji and my jason..They are friends in different states..But they get it.

Ah..ANd Mistah inapropriate. *hugs him*

I am sorry things in your life are the way they are. Teamo mi amigo. I am here if you need to talk I promise. 🙂

…

WElll I guess that is really all I have to ramble on but before I say farewell for the moment..Poetry.

WIthout the pain:

I know as the cutting tears into the muscle in the bone.

Without this pain..I would just be alone.

It is a constant reminder, To the fear when it subsides.

If I didnt have this pain.I would question if I am truely alive.

Before all this cutting the deep dark secret within.

My little childless brain dreamt of.

Dreamt of..You.

I dreamt of what it would feel like. To be.

Just this scared simple girl in me.

Someone that makes me feel.

Without cutting down to the bone.

Some one that without the pain..reminds me what it feels like to be alone.

I was always alone.

But with you..I never am undone.

I have a place to rest my weary head.

Your lap is a safe place to crawl in.

I have always loved you.

My dear sweet friend.

You keep me whole in this dark place..when everything is ripping me from all directions.

I need you..Just a intense reminder..that I can atone.

And with your gentle guidance. I have a friend..I am never alone.

………….

Teamo mi amigos,mi amigas..

SIarai