Happy Birthday Babe

October is a huge month for birthdays for me.  My late husband, Mike, my grandson, and I all celebrate October birthdays.  Tonight I find myself here logging a few memories about Mike. Today would be his sixty-third birthday.

Birthdays are always a thing for me.  That is the one day of the year a celebration is about the individual.  Cake is always a must, and I always spend time looking for the perfect gift for the birthday boy or girl.  A birthday is a big deal. The last five years have ticked by with no celebration for Mike…memories galore abound but no cake or presents.  No early morning birthday wishes or cards stowed away in his briefcase, car, or left on his desk at work…just a whispered, “Happy Birthday Babe,” as I awake each October 8th, new flowers to adorn where he was laid to rest, and a heart that misses him dearly.

I often wonder if I will ever stop being emotional on his birthday, our anniversary, and the anniversary of his death.  Those dates tend to creep up on me and leave me in sort of an emotional heap for the day.  Weepy and low is not how I choose to spend my time, but these three days seem to extract that emotional upheaval from deep within me.  I have worked hard over the last five years to understand and work through my grief. The waves of grief that were once close together and engulfed me have grown farther apart as the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years have separated us. I have grown and adapted to the change in his residence from here to Heaven. I have moved forward, married again, and find myself in a wonderful relationship with another.

And yet… it is October 8, 2020.  Five years have passed, and I find myself wishing a Happy Birthday to my very first love, the father of my children, and great man. Happy Birthday Babe💕