Filled To The Top
I am so ridiculously full of anxiety, I’m surprised I’ve not already had a spontaneous combustion!!!
The anxiety is as a result of planning two surprise parties….FOR THE SAME DAY! Granted, I’m not presently working, so I have the time within my day to extend myself in such a way. Both parties are for two of the most special ladies in my life. The first of which is my special lady, The Mama, who celebrates her 60th birthday.
When she turned 50, she expected my brother and I to throw her a 50’s decade party and truly I would have if I had been in a position to do so. I certainly could not count on my brother to conduct such an event. At that time I was merely 20, not working a full-time job, barely any money, and still juggling school + my internship at the time. There just would not have been a way. So now, a decade later, I’m still in no position to spend the kind of money I’ve spent, but she is worth MORE THAN every penny I can muster. So, I took out my retirement fund because I needed some extra spending cash anyhow. Unemployment leaves me just a little shy of being able to make it. This is how I have made it possible to throw The Mamma her anticipated party that she has NO IDEA about. I’m filled with angst over it being perfect and just that…a surprise. So, crossing my fingers, because I’ll know by the end of this weekend!
Additionally, my first baby angel niece is turning 10 and I’ve planned a slumber party for the same evening. My mom is 12-3 and my niece will be 6-overnight! The theme is Candyland Glamour and it has already met my expectations as I am done decorating for that – phew! So that is a load off.
None of this would have been as difficult as it is to execute had it not been for the fact that in this same week of finalizing the plans I had tickets to a Broadway Show, an unemployment appointment and tomorrow a second interview for an Apple specialist position. The interview is the least and yet most of my worries. It is the least in that the position isn’t ideal and will not even provide me with more than what my unemployment does at present (as I am receiving the maximum), but on that same note it’s a job. I’ve decided that if I make it to the third interview and lastly, receive the position, I’ll take it and get a second job as a waitress. Granted I have my MBA now and it will feel as though things aren’t quite right. Nevertheless, I think it could be FUN! I’ve always wanted to waitress and I love meeting new people and smiling and serving. I’m more comfortable in a position to serve than to sell something, which is why Apple would also be idea. The product sells itself. I almost want to say that’s one of their company culture motto’s.
So, tomorrow is a big day because I have loads of running around to do.
I can not tell a lie. While the party planning is the major reason for all of the anxiety, some of the anxiety can be apportioned to LaLa. I have a crush, and like most of my female crushes, they become insatiable where I can’t stop thinking about them! I know for a fact this is fairly normal. Perhaps the extent of my curiosity is a little on the abnormal end, but I know many people who crush, crush hard and perform much of the same behavior that I am. You long to hear from them, know what they are up to – you want to reach out to them, but for fear of them sensing it, you refrain (which is a good thing). So, I’ve resigned myself to viewing her facebook page, over, and over, and over again hoping to see her in my news feed or receive a message from her.
With that said, I know that the sensations will subside as they usually do. In their place a love grows and with that love an even better friendship than we could ever have moving in any other direction forms. I’m sure of this because it has happened before. I have an innate ability to put my feelings aside for the bigger and better picture. That is unleeesssss she begins to feel something to and begins to express it. That is not usually the case, but has been known to happen lol. So…I wait her return and take it from there.
I have to rest for tomorrow since it’s a big day. Wish me luck!
Much Love Always,
The Adoring Rose