i guess it’s a gift?
So I think I have this gift of not showing how awkward I feel. I must. Because if I actually looked as awkward as I felt in some conversations then people would stop having those conversations with me. Alas.
When people find out that your husband is deployed the conversation is always instantaneously awkward. So I try not to mention it. I used to work at Fred Meyers and quite a few of the people still know me there and gossip is consumed like candy there so people frequently ask me very awkward questions.
Cashier lady: Hi!! How are you?
Me: Good… how are you?
Cashier lady: Working… working. So are you still dating that one guy? Your boyfriend?
Me: Uhm my husband now actually 🙂
Cashier lady: Oh, so you got married
(Thoughts: "I actually got married to him when I was still working here… but okay whatever")
Me: Yup.
Cashier lady: I haven’t seen him in a while…
Me: Yeah, he’s in the Army. He’s actually in Mississippi right now doing some training.
Cashier lady: Oh!! I have a friend whose son is there too. So is he being deployed to Iraq?
(Thoughts: "Crap shack… here it comes")
Me: Yeah he is.
Cashier: Oh that must be hard.
Me: (awkward silence) ….yeah…
Cashier lady: Do you miss him?
(Thoughts: "….No, actually couldn’t wait for him to leave. Seriously?! Why do people even ask this?")
Me: Yeah, a lot.
Cashier lady: How do you deal with it?
(Thoughts: "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION? By crying a lot and cutting myself, thanks.")
Me: Just… ….. day by day I guess…..
Cashier lady: So when do they get back?
Me: September.
Cashier lady: WOW that’s a long time.
(Thoughts: "Thanks for that, I hadn’t realized…"
Me: Yup.
Cashier lady: So do you have a place to live?
(Thoughts: "……………………… …………. no. I’m homeless. YES I HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE. He’s deployed! Not dead."
Me: Yeah.
Cashier lady: So have you ever thought about coming back to work here?
(Thoughts: "and face this every day? only in my nightmares….")
Me: No… I’m actually doing college right now.
Cashier lady: Oh that’s nice.
Me: Yeah… okay well see you later…. (Exits speedily)
