nervous breakdown
dear spydr:
…been a while since i wrote. i find it’s easier to say what i need to when it’s in the form of a letter to you. i also find i need to have my craptop serviced – the keys are sticking. LOL ahhh, life.
i wish you knew how missed you are down here. i mean, you probably do…but. i dunno. maybe i just wish i could TELL you.
i saw the pulmonologist, finally. hey, i promised i would, and i did. i even went through the tests she asked me to, except for two. well. one and a half. but neither are my fault, it’s this COVID shit still permeating our existence. ugh, i wish it would GO THE HELL AWAY. anywhore. she is convinced that even though the clots in my lungs in December probably exacerbated the pulmonary hypertension, the most likely cause is a natural progression of my heart problems. weirdly, i can deal with that better than i can any other reasoning behind this happening to me, so i’m okay with it. just means i need to honk on getting a cardiologist in the area (which i’m NOT looking forward to. i sense a stress test in my future.) and actually get to the appointment. meanwhile, when all this pandemic shit is over, i also need to do a pulmonary ventilation and perfusion retest and a sleep study. they could only do the perfusion part because the other was high risk of the virus, and the sleep study is complicated by the fact that nursing homes are still not open and i can’t leave mom alone overnight. so. there’s that. meanwhile, cardiologist is next on deck.
speaking of. yes, i had one lined up, but i missed the appointment. they refused to reschedule, saying i had already missed three appointments (which is BS — i had only made one other appointment which THEY cancelled because my file had not arrived from florida.) i got a certified letter in the mail from them FIRING me. LOL!! it’s all right – since they can’t count, apparently, and they refuse to take responsibility for their own actions, i don’t want to see them anyway. what kind of doctor’s office does that during a pandemic? assholes. if that’s the policy they want to stick to, that’s fine by me – i’m GLAD not to go to that office. plus, it gives me a shot at seeing someone at UCONN or Hartford Health (phenomenal cardio units both places.) and neither is a bad thing. bigger network of specialists to handle the medical anomaly that is me? sold.
had a lovely THREE HOUR chat with Table 9 yesterday. i love those ladies.
wenda’s birthday weekend did NOT go as she had planned. she was over it by the first night in Ft Myers, and i felt so bad for her. by the last day things were looking up, but those damn girls down there really disappointed me when it came to her. you know how we do birthdays. the LEAST they could have done was BE NICE about changing up every single plan they made, but they weren’t. i am glad it worked out in the end, but sheeesh.
oooh, scoop! her BF didn’t show up to a SINGLE ONE OF HER SHINDIGS. can you even IMAGINE? she was furious, but from the pictures, it looks like she still had a raging good time. still. he is aparently bipolar. i know how that goes. evan is too, and it’s tough. she really likes him, and things are better as the week has gone on, but she has Z E R O patience with men, as we all know, and she like all the others. i told her, i may have been WAY too patient with evan over those ten years, but over the past TWO WEEKS she has been actually dating the man, she has had NO patience whatsoever. so. we talked that out, and she’s going to give it a REAL chance, if he’ll do it. we’ll see. haven’t spoken to her since yesterday, so not sure what happened last night yet. you know i’ll keep you posted.
still having trouble sleeping.
have not had a drink in over a week. this is a good thing….it had gotte WAY out of hand.
i thought i had so much more to say. i probably do…but i really have no more desire to say it, or type, or whatever. so i’m going to sign off for now. i miss you so much, and really wish you were here to walk through this medical gauntlet with me. i love you, spydr. always will.
lolak
…your sugarz