I Begin Again

First entry….

I am struggling but I am strong, so my struggle is so confusing to me.  Where is my soul?   Who am I?

Where did my confidence go?

Ended a 5 year relationship. The last year was a friendship mostly.  I was betrayed many, many times, but made aware only in two different events which were 2 years apart.  So why did I go back after the first?  Who does that?  Why did he f it up.  We really enjoyed each other. I guess what felt so easy and comforting was not real – nothing was f’d up, reality just became transparent.

The relationship was never a display of true character.  Well played, but not even the character one should forgive of a bad acquaintance.

Wish it was what I thought it was. So, I should run.  I am trying.  Really trying. I am not the weak, melancholy person I feel I am right now.  He sucks.  I do not.

Meh.