Mother and Daughter

I wake to hear you crying, calling out to me.

I wearily open my eyes, it’s only half past 3.

I sigh, roll over, cover my ears, trying to ignore.

But your persistent need for me, just grows more and more.

Eventually I go to you, and see you’ve wet the bed.

I feel bad making you wait so long, but these nights fill me with dread.

I clean you up and change the sheets, get you a small drink.

I go to leave, but you reach for me. And my heart starts to sink.

I climb into bed beside you and cuddle you in close.

I’m exhausted but I know it’s now, that you need me the most.

I push your hair away from your eyes, and slowly stroke your face.

Sing to you a lullaby, the song Amazing Grace.

Eventually you settle and we get much needed rest.

Some nights feel worse than others, our very own endurance test.

Your night-time escapades don’t stop you waking with the sun.

I sigh, remembering a time when my life was more fun.

I help you dress, and you complain about the clothes I choose.

I ask you to pick for yourself, but of course you refuse.

You watch tv and there is peace, if only for a while.

You sing along to the music, and I cannot help but smile.

I take you out for dinner and have to cut up your food.

You spill your drink, a woman tuts, people can be so rude.

I long for the future when this is not the case.

But immediately feel guilty when I see your innocent face.

We go home and I give you a bath, and everything’s wrong for you.

The shampoo hurts, the water’s cold, and then you need a poo!

Finally, your pyjamas are on, and I settle you down to sleep.

You fight it, I am so drained, I feel like I could weep.

I know I should enjoy this time, but sometimes it’s so tough.

I love you so much, but I wonder, if I am enough.

I’ m lucky just to have you here, and I know that one day.

I will look back and regret, wishing your life away.

Eventually you fall asleep, and I creep out the door.

Into my own bed exhausted, I can’t do this anymore.

I find myself daydreaming, remembering a time long gone.

Cos even though you’re still alive, God how I miss you, Mum.