To beat the point further in..

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I’ve been consumed by thought lately. Philosophy that I have created. I understand and reiterate that I must make myself happy before anyone else can be made as much by me. I have spent the last few weeks reorganizing my priorities and carefully considering all the things that I need to understand as being important in my life. Here is the breakdown of what’s happened…

…I’ve come to understand that my life is not going to change unless I actively do so. I will not be able to make anything happen without my own consent, and likewise, will not enable anyone to do harm to me unless I give them the permission to do so. I know that in my heart I desperately want to be loved, married, and have a family. I want to be with someone, one person, until the day that I die and I believe this person to be the one I am with now. I want to enjoy life, to embrace what I can within my means. I am having a financial crisis, but I am trying to keep my feet on the ground and not lose my head over it. I must understand that things are sometimes out of my hands, and I just have to let things go with the flow. My goals are simple- I want to move away, somewhere beautiful, somewhere peaceful, and get married to the man I love more than I ever thought I would. I want to have children with him and raise them to be proper examples of how humans should behave. I want to invest in them, and in myself, good morals and traditions without the influence of gods and religious beliefs. I am more fervently non-religious now than I believe I was even with Justin. And I think this because I have arrived at my opinions on my own. I do understand that there are things I cannot explain that I have happened personally to me. But, at the same time I am not so quick to assume it is something religious or having to do at all with a god or creator that causes it. My opinions have changed quite a lot and much to my chagrin. I cannot believe the things I am saying and it is almost hard for me to type. But I can’t help myself. I haven’t felt a connection or a love this deep since Justin. I am so comfortable, so happy. Things are great. Even though we’re both broke, we still make it work. Our relationship is open, giving, kind, loving, and peaceful. We have our arguments but they are handled lovingly and we talk about everything.
 

I suppose I’ll be here in Georgia for a long while…but it’s starting to bother me less. I don’t know that I’ll stay here, but I’m hating it a little bit less as time goes by. Perhaps because I am finally in a home that feels like a home, and I am happy with a man that loves me and wants me, no matter what. I trust him and I know I can count on him. He makes me giddy. 

Now I’m gonna go snuggle him and fall asleep.

Goodnight, all.