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It’s funny that a month later I am feeling kind of hte same way exactly, except now I have left my job,  thank goodness.  I got started on a new part time one which I didn’t even know if I wanted or not and now I’m feeling shitty about that.  It’s good though I guess, because I will hve money coming in.. Some of my other freelance, I’m not so sure.  I think honestly, I don’t want to do it anymore, I don’t want to be a photographer.  I’m good at it but I hate working as one.

I feel so triggered today, like I can’t trust anyone. I feel like I can’t trust my partner or my friends, I feel like life doesn’t make sense.  I feel so confused and awful all the time.  I feel stuck in my own thoughts and my own head like I can’t do anything.  It’s giving me anxiety and panic.  I don’t feel right, I don’t know what to do.  I feel like I have no hope (i know this is bs) I just have these awful feelings like I hate myself.  I don’t know where all of this is coming from exactly.  I’m not happy.

I don’t know what twould make me happy.  I don’t know anymore, just nothing seems to make sense.