Took another Covid test this morning. Still testing positive. It’s been 9 days since I took my first Covid test. I’m taking a test every other day now. I would like to feel 100% again or whatever the equivalent of 100% is for a 69-yr old. But I’ve started to make my own breakfast again and I’m doing laundry. Baby steps. I’m paying more attention to the local, federal, world news again. So that means I’m beginning to pay more attention to something other than myself. Realizing my son is not coming back is still a sharp sudden ache that brings tears to my eyes. But it subsides more quickly. Baby steps. It’s cold outside, but the sky is clear. If I felt better, I’d start the yard cleanup. I’m a month behind, but that’s okay. I don’t like rigid deadlines or schedules, never have. I enjoy the concept of a deadline, though. I still might go outside this afternoon and pull up a few dead tomatoes or something. Try to remember what being alive should feel like.
My daughter’s birthday is in a few days. I feel sorry for my baby girl. She’s being overshadowed this year by her big brother. This will be the last time, though. She was always so competitive with her older brother. I guess she won the race this year.