I am married and still trying to figure life out. I need to vent and get many things off my chest. I have been through a lot and even though I have lots of support there are still many things I feel I cannot share and things I need to get off my chest without being judged directly.

Latest Entry

I am scared of being alone…

September 2, 2025
…but I do sometimes feel that living alone may be better than the life I am living right now. Most exciting part of my Monday was seeing my dad and his girlfriend who have grown to no longer hate but can’t say she is my favourite person yet… I come home to a kitchen sink…
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Recent Entries

  • Just Got Paid…
    August 31, 2025
      Just a moment of sigh...when the bank account is full again...but then you keep hearing those notifications letting you know that a debit order has just gone off...then you think of all the meds you have to get and the petrol you need to fill up your car for the next few weeks...and don't&...
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  • Asset 6
    Feel Guilty!
    August 31, 2025
    So I have divised a plan...but I am feeling guilty about it and hope that I will be able to follow through with it...    He won't leave and so I have to be the one who does. What does that mean to my marriage?  But I can't keep giving him chances! And I can't keep…
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  • Asset 6
    Not Fair!!
    August 6, 2025
    I know…I sound like a toddler! But I don’t get why I can’t have an easy marriage and life…okay I know that isn’t realistic. But right now I am stuck and I know it is time I make a choice and stick to it. My sister and Father are saying and implying I let him…
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  • Asset 6
    I Hate The Life!!
    August 6, 2025
    Having to juggle life as an adult… Bills Groceries Levies Work ….and then comes my husband who when I think about it just is surface level and only truly cares about himself and his needs. He does just enough to shut me up and make me think we are in a good place but when…
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  • אני קושית יפה/I’m a Cute Black Girl Pg 111
    July 29, 2025
    I remember when I first learnt that song. It was my first  ...December 2000. Wow was that a summer that changed my life. Since that summer I have held onto that Anthem. Kinda funny how that Anthem means more to me than the Anthem of the Country I was actually born in. I think that may…
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  • My Rollercoaster Life
    July 28, 2025
    It is so easy to forget the bad feelings when things are going well. A few weeks ago we were good. He was living a sober life and we were in a good place…financially not so much. Financially things got to bad I had to turn to my sister who then spoke to your father…
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  • Asset 6
    Missing Time for Myself
    July 26, 2025
    As much as I am grateful for the job that I have and to have a reason to get up and get dressed and be expected somewhere, I really do miss having time where I could read my kindle…and write in my Open Diary…and imagine my life with my husband in our dream house. Okay…
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  • אני קושית יפה/I’m a Cute Black Girl Pg 110
    July 2, 2025
      I washed my hair today and plan was to blow dry it and the have supper and go off and finish my new Kindle Book But instead I am sitting in the study, with my hair all wet and wrapped up in a towel  and writing a few posts becuase he is sleeping in our…
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  • אני קושית יפה/I’m a Cute Black Girl Pg 109
    July 2, 2025
    It sure has been a while since I have posted about my Jewish Life and Thoughts...so I don't know how to unscrabble everything that is and has been in my head and also remember things that I wanted to post about...teaches me a lesson about procrasting. But in all fairness I do have quite a…
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