#relationships

His body was heavy on me, sweating on my skin, moaning in my ear. The ceiling is white with weird shapes like the ones all old townhouses have. The air coming from the window is blowing at the tapestries on the wall. Has he finished yet?  I told you NO. I told you I don’t…

I don't feel right today. woke up from a dream early this morning, feeling uneasy about details I couldn't remember. I don't feel like meditating or jogging. I don't feel like doing anything I know I should be doing to be better. And that makes me feel guilty. My self-esteem has been low for a&he...

In my last entry, I mentioned my relationship and at that time I was working through projections. Things did get better momentarily. I have some pretty significant milestones coming up in the next 5 weeks: My birthday, turning 38 One year since I started dating One year since the Divorce was fina...

Everyone does it. We tell lies if we want to admit it to ourselves or not. I tell lies every single day. I lie when I say I've had enough. That this time will be different. I'm going to stand up for myself and walk away for good. I lie when I say I won't…

Projection is a phenomenon that happens all the time and seems to rarely be discussed. It takes place in many different forms. From my current perspective it is a fundamental issue in all relationships. I'm hoping this entry gains enough visibility to generate some introspection. In our various f...

I told him, "I don't wanna feel shitty when I leave your house," because I thought a night of fling would do me good. But boy was I wrong. To which he replied, "Well it's not like I want you to feel shitty. Jesus!" and he sounded annoyed. Wait a minute, I'm not asking for…

The problem with dating narcissists is not that they're manipulative or super-selfish. If you grew up with manipulative and selfish parents, then you can handle that kinda energy because it feels like home. If you grew up being the helper then dating someone who constantly takes won't feel like a...

I figured that maybe an online diary would be something good for my mental health. Something private, where no one knows it's me...but also there for others to read and comment on, in case they might have an unsolicited opinion about my life. Also, I'm finding that I have no other outlet at the m...

Alright so let's get straight to the point, relationships SUCK. Ya, they are actually so amazing but they suck when they end. I was in a relationship about a year ago and it lasted a few months. I know it wasn't long, but we connected. Everything about him was perfectly matched with my energy and...

I think I've been too hard on him lately. The reality is I do need to let go of the past, but I'm scared of history repeating itself. I am by no means perfect, and I think I've been reflecting my own opinions of myself onto him. I've been feeling guilty, so I make him…