Day Forty-One

May13, 2006,

Dear Lunch Buddy,

I missed the full moon.  I thought it would be full at 1:00 AM tomorrow morning, but it was at its fullest at 1:00 this morning.  I missed it and did not fast, and did not pray.  But I think I’m past that point now, anyway.  I have no doubts that you still love me and need me and want me as much as ever.  There is no part of you that wants your relationship with Her to succeed.  But you have not found the strength in yourself, and you’re quite certain that she would never leave you, so you feel that it is hopeless.

I, however, have been there.  I know where your heart is now.  It is wavering between doing that which you believe to be the honorable thing and that which will make you happy.  Part of you fills fulfilled in doing “the right thing.”  But part of you feels ripped off, because in doing the right thing, you have robbed yourself of the chance for any true happiness and joy.

I remember these feelings.  I remember the anger growing like a blockage.  Greater and greater it grew, slowing cutting off the flow of that part of me that felt obligated to remain with someone who would never give to me what I had given him.  Until one day, like a heart attack, it stopped beating, and I could say the words:  “I am not happy.  I cannot be happy with you.  I want a divorce.”

It was painful.  Devastating.  It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.  But I had to do it to save my life, and you have to do it to save yours.  I promise you that you will never regret it.