so much shooting!

This weekend was hard
I went to Austin,
With the new girl
 
We got an expensive room
 
Met with old friends
 
Went to old hangouts
 
And Ashley was around every corner….
I was on edge the whole time
 
It was hard.
 
I didn’t think it through
 
Old places
Old faces
 
I didn’t drink
I didn’t want to
 
I wanted to drive to her apartment
 
At one point, I did.
 
We went hiking
And the only good hiking is right next to her place
 
We climbed a cliff wall to a cave
100 feet above the riverbed
And you could see her balcony
 
I held it together.
 
The new girl,
She knew,
But there was nothing she could point to,
 
But she knew.
 
Every place we went,
She was lurking
 
The coffee shop was next to her friends house
The park was the one we never went to
The sub shop was her fav
This is the bar we broke up in that one time
 
Here was the Chinese restaurant
Where they seated us in a drafty section
And she combined my birthday with our anniversary
So I had to pay
For my birthday dinner.
 
 
And even if I hadn’t paid
I’d have to pay it off eventually
Because she was living off of student loans
But not planning on working anymore after she had kids
So why get a masters?
 
See?
I’m still rather bitter.
And it shouldn’t matter any more.
And I’m more concerned with being right
than moving forward
 
I’m just not sure how to stop
 
 
 
 
The new girl was great
Funny, witty, everyone loves her
They all say she’s way hotter than Ashley
 
They are surprised I can get such a caliber of woman
Not out loud
To my face
 
But it’s there
“so how did YOU TWO meet? Harrumph”
 
“what are you doing with THIS GUY?” Punch in the shoulder “ahhh I’m just fucking with you Minter”
 
Yeah, she’s beyond my norm.
Out of my league even
My league being pounding pizza and killing terrorists on xbox
 
 
I’m just not feeling it though.
I’m not sure if it’s me or her. 
It’s probably me,
I’m kind of all scars and bitter inside
 
And it’s probably not fair to her
To keep being me
The way I am
And not tell her.
 
I’m not all panicky and butterflys with her
And that’s what you want…..right?
 
I should have taken more time
I should have been alone a little longer
Instead of dating like I did.
Every day, for a month.
So I wouldn’t have to spend a moment alone
 
But new girl,
She’s the funniest person I know.
 
We just stood on the corner of 6th street in Austin
And made up stories about the people walking by
And she was so funny,
<div style=”margin: 0in 0in 0pt”>I couldn’t laugh
I was just impressed
Stunned but the depth of her pop references
Amazed that she saw people and the world just like me
At that moment
 
It’s weird right? I’m the funny one….maybe that’s it….I’m so selfish I can’t share that?
Maybe.
 
Anyway
Superbowl 45 was fun. 
We went out to basdrop and shot a cannon into the hills,
 
No seriously
A fucking cannon.
It was crazy.
 
I shot my sniper rifle at jars full of explosives
I shot skeet
I shot many handguns
I ate wild hog
I saw a shooting star that blew my mind.
I flew a kite
I watched the game on a 10×15 outdoor screen
With 50 other people
Next to a bonfire
Lying on a blanket
With new girl.
 
She said she was crazy about me
 
And all I could think was
 
You’re not her.
 
 
Man,
I’m such a dick
 
Remember that old “wear sunscreen” song years back
 
“don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts
Don’t put up with someone who’s reckless with yours”
 
Why can’t I do that?