Negative Friend – Over it!
I’m still tired. Nothing unusual there.
I’m thinking though. Okay, I always think. Maybe it isn’t the entire world I need to avoid to feel like I can breathe. I’m doing it all wrong. It’s just certain people I need to cut out as much as possible. Keeping the people who actually add value to my life.
Monday my boss called yet again. Another favor. This one was legit and doable tho. She just wanted to talk about her daughter. My other boss and friend. Asking if I’d reach out to her Tuesday and maybe do dinner or beers or something. It had been a year since her husband died and she knew it would be a hard day. She assumed she’d rather hang out with a friend and not her mom. Of course I said yes.
We went to dinner Tuesday and it was great. Some hard times. Lots of pictures and talking. Stayed for 2 1/2 hours just sitting. Honestly, I actually enjoyed it.
Last night my other “friend” comes in to get food to eat in the bar. I say hi and she ignores me. Okay? She’s obviously half drunk and making a point to say hi to everyone else. Whatever. I have no time for this and I do NOT play high school games. Lady you’re almost 50. She then randomly says – What have you been up to? Just working as usual. You went to dinner with J last night. Ummmmmm, yeah? I’m really upset to find that out and you didn’t invite me. I just stared at her? Uhhhhhh really? “I told you if you were doing stuff to call me.” At that point all I could say was – Didn’t hear that and if I did I wasn’t aware I should call you every time I do anything. And walked away.
I’m done. So done.
She’s right. I didn’t invite her. I didn’t plan on inviting her. I didn’t see a reason I needed to invite her. This person is one of the most negative people I have ever met in my life. Literally, she complains as much – or more – than Captain Douche. And once upon a time I asked if he wanted a straw so he could continue to suck the fun out of my life. The negative type that the glass is always empty, not half full, just empty. Everyone always pisses her off. Nothing is ever good enough. She’s rude and entitled. Any time I talk to her – instant complaining. We did talk one day earlier this week – All I heard about was how the kids in her daycare were all brats and the baby cried all day. Parents don’t pay soon enough. Her help just sits on her phone. Fix it – Don’t complain. You wanted to reopen a daycare. She complains about her friends, yet still hangs out with them. Complains when she goes out of town shopping with anyone that they didn’t shop with her right. Complains that nobody wants to go out of town to shop with her. Complains that her boyfriend said he didn’t want to go to the bar all of his days off. Complains that her parents complain. When she was waitressing she’d complain about everybody she worked with – Then I worked with her one night. It was awful. She was in super bitch mode all night. I was then told that’s how every shift with her worked. Complained that she had to close and I was straight up – I closed last time with you, it’s your turn. That’s how we operate, fair. Then she later informs me she wasn’t closing on Fridays. Carol can close. I told her that wasn’t fair and they should rotate like the rest of us do. No, I WILL NOT close, I have better things to do with my time. Don’t we all? I nicely told her that just wasn’t fair to Carol. Carol makes me crazy, but I’m still nice to her. Well, I’ll just say I have a headache when I get there and I am NOT closing and I’ll make that clear. Okay.
How is that fair? It isn’t. You aren’t special. I work two jobs, I close regularly. It’s life. She eventually quit with barely 2 weeks notice a few weeks ago. Honestly, it’s like a breath of fresh air without her ever there. She came in a couple weeks ago and said maybe she’d tell them she’ll work Wednesday and Thursday and just doesn’t want weekends. I nicely told her Logan and I have those shifts covered already. Because we really do. What we NEED are people that will rotate weekends. Not people that feel they should never have to work a weekend in the service industry.
So, basically – I’ve really stepped back from this friendship. I just felt like it was almost all give and little to no receive. I can’t handle the constant negativity. If I wanted negativity I could have just stayed married. No, I didn’t invite her to dinner because honestly, I wanted the night to be about J and J talking all she wanted about work, her husband, whatever and didn’t want this person jumping in constantly with a one-upping story or her negativity. It NEEDED to be a positive night and the night was NOT about me or anyone else. And honestly, she was never even friends with J though she’d worked with her for years until I started inviting J to do things with me a couple years ago and S always felt she should come to. Which is great, I’m happy to align friendships, wonderful, but I want POSITIVE friendships damn it.
Plus – Don’t ever expect that because you’re my friend I HAVE to invite you anytime I do ANYTHING. Negative. I have very few friends, but interestingly the friends I do have are all mostly from “different groups” or “different walks of life”. I like EVERYONE if they are nice, legit people. I don’t discriminate. Yes, I’ll be friends with the “struggling to get clean addict” because they’re human, I was an addict once too, it’s a hard road and as long as they aren’t doing drugs next to me I don’t care. Will I bring them home to my kids? Nah, not if they’re high, but I’ll be their friend. I’m happy to do sober stuff. I’d RATHER do sober stuff. I’ll be friends with the young moms because guess what – I was a teen mom too. It can be a rough time, you need a village. Friends with the office crowd – I work in an office full-time. Friends with the random strangers on facebook who just moved here, know nobody and don’t know what to do for Halloween. Because, I was also the new-to-town person with no friends once. So, I’d say my small group is very diverse. I’ll give everyone a shot. If they add value to my life, I keep them. If they don’t, I just don’t make it a regular event. Fair enough. No, I don’t feel the need to call each of these people when I do something. I’m happy with small, intimate events. (Minus full-blown crazy Halloween parties.)
She complained once that I hung out with Derek – WHY are you hanging out with him? Because he’s my friend and called while I was sitting here so I invited him to drink lemonade and visit? He’s a drug addict. Well, he wasn’t high today and I don’t care. WHY do you have 5 strangers in your house? Ummmm, because it’s Halloween, they’re new to town and had nowhere to go as they’re in a motel currently. So you just invite them over? Well, it’s my house – So, yeah, I do. I can’t believe you like Dusty, he acts like a child. Well, he makes me laugh and I don’t care as long as he does his job. Logan is an awful worker and never does anything. He works great for me, I actually enjoy his help. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. If I’d try to talk about something – Will, you stop, I’m in the middle of saying something and you need to listen to that so I can finish. Uhhhhh? Okay, I didn’t realize your complaint was never ending. I’ll just sit here quietly. My daughter used to tell me – I think she thinks she’s your girlfriend and can tell you what to do. At first I thought she was crazy, now I see where she was getting that idea from.
So – Saturday I might go use my Saturday free brewery punch for the month. And no, I probably won’t invite her. Because I want fresh, happiness. Peacefulness. No negativity. If you’re going to treat me like shit for not inviting you somewhere, I’m simply not going to ever invite you. Because I don’t OWE you and I’m NOT required to hangout with you and only you. I really felt the urge to text today and simply tell her I was done, but decided I just won’t say a word. I’m not wasting my energy on that. However, if it happens again I’ll have to be blunt, straight-forward, the end.
Rant over. I feel better. Moral of the story – I’m just going to avoid the negativity and continue with making myself a happy circle of friends. The end.