l.acking inspiration?

I’ve forgotten how to be creatively inspired. I haven’t drawn in weeks. I no longer have the desire to scribble drawings on post-its. Instead I would rather spend my time vegging out in front of the tele or surfing forums in a desperate attempt to seem ‘grown-up.’

I started my summer course on 7 June, and I’m doing okay. My first in-class essay was an 85%, and I was hoping for an A. What can you say though? During this time, I found out my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, my boyfriend left for Hawaii for nine days with his family (and I could have gone with them if I didn’t have a summer course), I had to drive to school everyday (and it’s a twenty minute drive to and from, as well as the fact that I’m scared to drive- seriously), and I had dented my dad’s car’s passenger side fender.

I’m still dealing with all this. This time last year was marvelous: I was taking a geometry class for the second time and it was horribly easy, my boyfriend of three months (we’ve been dating 13 months now) and I both had wicked sunburns/tans from swimming so much, and I never dreamed of having to get a job. So…uh…this is how it’s like to finally be given a taste of adult life.

My mother is getting my sister and me a counselour. I would rather not have one, seeing as I would have to drive to the appointments, and heaven forbid I have to drive. (I tell you, I’m scared!) But I guess if I think about getting in a car accident, I’ll have one, as my dad said this morning. Maybe it’s true. I hope not. Anyway, the counselour will be good, she says to my father who is asking why we need one, because we will be going through some trials while my mother is sick from chemotherapy.

Kevin says I’m using him for transportation. I never thought I would come to this. I always told myself I’m independent. I didn’t want to make myself grovel to another person, but here I am, asking for rides to this place and that place. He doesn’t like to drive, he says, and I know that. I need him for his confidence, his love, his courage, and his optimism. Sometimes I hate myself for always thinking about money.

Being an eighteen-year-old is tiring. Wow, I can’t wait to grow up.

(I wish I were five again.)

Congratulations! You are the first to be added to my grammer Hall of Fame! [Grammar Police]B867413

Ha! Sorry! Wow! You responded fast! Yeah, when I start typing fast there’s no telling which keys my fingers will push. I’ve had to re-type this note several times for the same reason! I hate how people spell grammar with an “e”, it’s one of my pet peeves actually. hahaha! [Grammar Police]B867413

i love your diary.you seem so intelligent.i’m sorry about your mom :-i hope the chemo does her well.♥Kim [RiCH’S GiRLiE]B564003

french diary names united! no… i was just kidding.cool diary… i`m sorry about your mother. i hope things work out.how can you be scared to drive? then again i wouldn`t know… but i can`t wait to drive.xo, [ta sauvage]B620156

how did you learn to speak all that french? [underneath html]B862563

i’ve always loved the french language. these past 9 and a half months i’ve been in france as an exchange student so now i speak fluently. it’s great. my normal diary is havoc. if you wanna read about it. lol see ya. [underneath html]B862563

some stds are curable. The ones I have can be cured. But stuff like herpes and AIDS cannot be cured [Shattered Heart]B841899

Yes, I know I spelled it wrong. I did it every time so I bothered not to correct it before I entered it. I will later though. I’m glad to get your opinion anyway. [a.Wistful Beginning]B859403

I hope your mother is doing well, it’s always a hard thing to go through, however, people with breast cancer have a high chance of survival. Is she getting counselling too? Or will she get it after chemotherapy?Don’t be scared to drive, I used to be nervous, however, now I love it. I do understand your… [Blackened Rose]B791150

reservations about it. It’s normal.I hope your boyfriend has a safe trip too :)My ex fiance and I… we weren’t together long, around 5months, however, we knew each other for a longer time. We’ve been apart for just over one and a half years. Sadly.Shauna xoxo [Blackened Rose]B791150

If you’re ever extremely bored. . . you might want to pay me a visit! I’ve got some interesting stories. . . that I’d love to share with you and yours. So check me out. [Prodigy]B867570

I was interviewing for a cashier position in a Tailor Shop on a navy base…Thanks for your note! That’s funnyl..you say you wanna be 5 again and i can’t wait to grow up! ~Steph~ [hidden rain]B856865

thanks for that note!!! =D [*Simple~Plan~Chicka*]B809353

it’s easy to tell someone to chill when you’re not going through their situation. it’s also very generic. [Alex Varkatzas]B865629

eh. can’t make any promises. thanks though. [Alex Varkatzas]B865629

hmm. the “sexy” song? i don’t really like it. in my opinion, the only thing worse than beyonce’s music is beyonce’s acting. :xby the way, i hope your mom gets better soon. [kelly clarkson*]B848757

Hey, I just wanted to tell you thanks a bunch for the note you left me. It helps to know that not everybody in this world are close minded. Thanks again –Julie [Proud*2*Be*Expecting]B856668

LAw and Oceans are stupid classes…lol. Allison [~My°Boy°Toy~]B487311

I work at a little ice cream shop/restaurant. I scoop Ice cream. I like it, I have fun. you seem really smart and creative, how come you cant get a job? I love the French, I can actually understand some of it.. hehe. [((escape))]B543409

Wow, you have a lot of notes. I used to get lots of notes. What happened? Oh yeah, I quit writing. Anyway, yeah I’m a poppy. Haha. We have the first three CDs, autographed, with the fourth limited edition CD on its way. We also have an autographed poster and two t-shirts. Can you tell we like spending our money on them?un//cute graphics signed into my regular diary. [mrskalal]B235501