What Becomes Of The…

In what I believe will be the last text message I send to her, I sent her the following text message this afternoon:

So your avoidance is deliberate…

This might be one of those situations where I needed to know and this was the only way I knew how to go about it.

Simple.  Concise.  To the point.  I didn’t want to send her a convoluted text message.    

No response.  In being hopeful, I waited, but never ever came. 

In the end, I tried.  That’s all I could have done and I failed.      

She had effectively stopped all communication with me at the end of May.  Did so without any warning.  Just did it, like I was never there.  Like I never mattered.  Truthfully, like she never cared.  I found myself waiting for phone calls and even text messages that ultimately never came.  I guess I wasn’t worth it. 

In the end, there’s not much that I can do in this situation.  I am pretty much stuck and I’ll have to deal with this in my own way.  For all I know, that text message up there never reached her because of her tendency to block me anyway.  It could have very well fallen upon deaf ears, or being that it was a text message, blind eyes.   

Speaking of blind, I know that she saw me today.  I saw her.  Nothing came of it though.  Like I wasn’t even there.  She created this distance.  I did not.  Still, I felt helpless to remedy this situation.  I’m not there anymore.  Might as well be invisible.  I don’t matter anymore.        

Everything is now pretty clear.  The extent to which I misconstrue this is minimal.  I think I understand it now. 

She is no longer interested in talking to me.  She is no longer interested in me as a friend.  She is no longer interested.  I am just there.  Relegated to being just another face in the crowd.    

There was indeed a time when I truly considered her to be my best friend.  Now, look at what I’ve become.  I am nothing to her.  Absolutely nothing.  I am worthless.    

That’s a blow to my self-esteem, for sure.  No one wants to be discarded, tossed away like they’re worthless.  Like they’re trash.  Have zero value.  That’s me. 

For a brief moment in time, I thought the world of her.  I brought her sunshine when her world was dark and desolate.  I helped her through many situations and circumstances.  I was dependable.  I would often drop everything for her when she needed it and I wouldn’t bat an eye either.  Without fail, I was there for her.  I was her go-to. 

She just walked away, without warning, without anything.    

Now, the Visionary ain’t shit.                

It looks like I head into that sunset, wondering where everything went wrong.  Looking to leave this mess behind me and not dwell on it anymore. 

She doesn’t care.  Why should I?