Life

I hate living this way. It’s kind of hard not to though. I was left in a deep hole after the divorce, where she was not.

I built my life with her and our boys for over 20 years. My dreams and hopes and possessions. Then some other man came along and benefited from all that blood, sweat, and tears.

I was left with nothing but the knowledge that 4 boys were mine. I pay for the privilege of that fact every week.

Don’t get me wrong, I love them and they me, but unless I am actively calling and messaging, they are not and no one is making them.

I swear on my life I was good to her. Loving, caring, and true, yet she treats me like someone she just had a passing conversation with.

Why? Why has she, my family, and most of my friends just given up on me? Very seldom in these last several years has anyone around me just checked in or stopped by.

I’ve been having health issues lately. The scary kind. Is it heart burn or an attack? Is it just simple aches and pains or the start of something worse? No one would look for me for days or weeks. I’m serious. Work would just no call no show me. Eventually Patty would get pissed enough about the money that she would send one of the boys here to find me in whatever state, but it would probably be too late.

It’s hard when you live with functioning depression to really “change your life” on your own.

There’s nothing happening on that front either. Years ago I could get a date in a minute. Now I can’t even say hi to someone without being looked at as creepy.

How the fuck did some overweight, older schmuck get my wife and kids and life???