~ 25

Yesterday would have been Nathan’s 25th Birthday. I thought about it days prior and partly forgot it, the day of.

We don’t celebrate the Past but celebrate the here and now. I don’t live in the past. The past was nice, fun, fulfilling, but life goes on.

This birthday of what was doesn’t grip my heart strings.

I know for many even still many years later are consumed or moved by their loved one’s birthday and heaven date. Some do some sort of rememberance clebration, they need to do that for whatever reason. I don’t totally get it even though I have lost a child, but I do know we are all different.
I don’t need some specific day to remember someone. I remember them through out the year off and on. Not everyday either. Weeks may pass before Nathan comes to my mind. I pass his Picture everyday several times a day but it is like a picture on the wall that over time you seem to *see occasionally.
I remember Nathan much like I do any other member of my family…

I have a friend in Phoenix who asked me some months back that when I go to Colorado, would I be going to the grave site. I told her, “No”. She asked why? I asked: “Why?” She is one that for the past 5 years or so has been going to the grave site almost everyday. All the Holiday’s they have picnic’s there. To me that is a little over the top. To her she doesn’t get why I have only been to the Grave Site two times in almost 13 years and never plan to go again (although who knows). I went once to see the headstone and once to show a BIL who came to town where it was.
We all do things that are needful to us, visiting a grave site is not. I don’t do any one’s grave site, it is meaningless to me.

The 28th this month will be 13 years. Some years come and pass without me thinking of him on that day. Really why would any one want to remember an awful day, other than that was the last day you saw them. Certainly there are better days to think about.

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July 3, 2011

Jake would have been 20 on May 14th this year.