~Without God I am lost

The thing I HATE the most about moving is having to tell everyone I meet that I had a child who died. You watch them squirm everytime. There have been times that I almost want to just say (AND have a few times) when asked if I have any kids “Yes I have a daughter” and leave it at that. Typically when I tell someone that I had son who died there is SO MUCH more I want to say and there is not the time to say it. They need to know that I feel God has Perfect Timing and is in Control. They need to know that Life for me is good… although never as good as it once was, but it is pretty good and fun.

But that isn’t what I want to talk about here..

I still have those moments now and then. The reality of the loss of my son, grips me! Brings tears to me. I want to scream! ***IT WASN’T FAIR!*** Even though I know that Heaven is our goal. Even if I feel that Nathan is in a grand awesome place. I just want him here. If I allowed myself to dwell on that passing thought, it might swallow me.

It AMAZES me how I faired through the most depressing, disappointing loss of my life.
It amazes me that Nathan has been gone 12 years. Twice as long as he was alive. It doesn’t seem possible that so much time has past.

Sometimes I wonder if his life was a dream and yet I have pictures to prove it wasn’t and AWESOME Memories. He was one cool kid!

Without God I am Lost!

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aww, I am so sorry – I just lost my son on Sept 28… It is awful. I am so sorry for you and your family’s loss. I only had my son for 2 hours and I feel sometimes like it isn’t real — so hard to understand.

November 7, 2008

I am very sorry about your lost. I am glad to hear that you know he is in heaven and that God did it for a reason- I think a lot of times when God takes children so young it is because they are to be a very special angel!

November 7, 2008
November 10, 2008

I can relate to “sometimes I wonder if his life was a dream..” What your wrote is how I feel, too. Thanks for validating my feelings on this topic. I met you shortly after Jake passed so I have known you for about 8+ years – online.

November 12, 2008

i am so sorry for your pain. i pray things get easier in the new place. i know nathan is watching you and loving you still.

November 14, 2008

thank goodness we have our memories to know that it wasn’t a dream. jason’s been gone nearly 15 years now. i’m glad i have photos and an album of him. take care,

December 14, 2008

Without God I am lost too. I’m sorry for those moments of pain that grip you hard. I imagine they must be debilitating and paralyzing. I’m just so sorry.

December 18, 2009


July 1, 2010

{{{{{hugs}}}}} remember me. We talked way back in Nov of 1998. >*}}}}><