Busy Day In My Brain Today

I found out about my community Facebook group at this public board meeting I went to, and the admins accepted me today. I went scrolling back through past post and I am stocked about living here. People here are having community patio parties, holiday parties in the clubhouse, paint nights and Euchre. I love Euchre! When I was a teenager, my neighbor would come over.  My mom, sister, my neighbor, and I would stay up for hours playing cards. They were always yelling at me to pay attention and stop brushing my hair. Anyway, I hope I am typing ok I have had a little wine. I don’t drink that much, maybe 1 time a week 2 max. 2 Dirty Martinis, a few glasses of wine or 1 good old fashioned is my limit, I also enjoy a nice Bloody Mary for brunch. We will be having Pickle backs at the Divorce Party. It is St Patrick’s Day we have to have Irish Whiskey.  Now a few years ago I was coping in a very unhealthy manner, drinking way too much. This one night I was upset with my husband (Shocker), and I went to my friends, and we were man hating. Bad idea! We got the bright idea to do some shots of Jack Danielles Tennessee Honey. I did not learn my lesson in my 20’s that Jack and I cannot be friends.  I was wasted! Which is funny to me now on a different level because my nickname is honey. A few other friends show up and we get the not so brilliant idea to go to a bar, I was already drunk.  So, the sober one drove which was a male friend. I got in so much trouble for this night. The next day I was texting this male friend we talked about how I need to stop drinking like that and he told me I said something to him that I could not recall saying. I trusted him so I believed I said this thing, but I was confused because it did and didn’t really sound like me. Apparently, I told this male friend “If I were single, I would have sex with him” Me being me, I don’t really remember saying this, but I was wasted and if I said this at a bar someone else overheard me. When I am drinking, I have a voice. So, me being me, I threw myself under the bus and told my husband right to his face. No one else is going to my husband and telling him I said this.  I told him apparently, I told our friend “If I were single, I would have sex with him.” He is standing in the kitchen, takes his wedding ring off and throws it across the room. Dramatic much? We are in marriage therapy with our 2nd and 3rd therapist because you had your tongue in some girls mouth at the bar and some other girls topless photos in your DM’s. The bartender asked if I wanted to know about your girlfriend because you were in there with your hand up on her thighs. That is cool but I am in trouble now. Really? That sounds fair, if you are off your fucking rocker! He came home and told me he told on me to both our therapists. lol So, later I realized what I said and why; that makes sense to me now. Appropriate? That is debatable.  It was my professional brain working that day. I was not at work talking to clients though, I was wasted at a bar talking to a friend. The only time I hang out with this male friend, is in public places, in groups setting, my husband always knew I was there, and was always welcome to join. I don’t remember what my friend said that night, but it was a negative comment about his physical appearance. I can interpret feelings and emotions based on facts. What I heard my friend say was ” I am feeling really insecure about my physical appearance, I feel like that is a barrier to me having a relationship with a woman, I am lonely, and I would really like a girlfriend. I know there is nothing wrong with my friend. I am not attracted to him physically but that doesn’t mean he isn’t attractive to someone. That is when I said, “You really should not feel so insecure, if I were single, I would have sex with you.” That sounds like me. I am impressed I came up with that so fast while my brain was marinating in Jack Danials Tennessee Honey. Appropriate? Again, that is debatable. I am innocent really; I just don’t have a filter sometimes.

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