On Social Situations.

Well, when it comes to food, socially – because I could go on and on about what it’s like socially in my head for HOURS.

Today there was my MIL’s birthday party, and they had to have Chinese. For some reason, I forget everything about making appropriate portion choices, but it’s better than it was. Part of it is because I am severely sensitive to FODMAPs, so I’d better not overload myself – AND Chinese food all tends to be fried AND high in FODMAPs.

I’ve done well with a bit of egg foo young and a few crab rangoon (BECAUSE I CAN’T HELP MYSELF lol). I’d love to see improvement on that part. In my early 20s I was extremely aware – I don’t think I was disordered, but definitely labeled it as “bad for you” food.

See, for THE FIRST TIME in my entire life, I’m approaching this differently. I think it’s because I don’t hate myself, like I did in the past. I don’t beat myself up, or think everything thinks I’m worthless (I think not having my mother in my life helped with that, because they’re not obsessed with my weight). So now, I’ve dedicated to “being aware” of what’s going on when it comes to food choices, and being mindful about it.

I haven’t gotten to the point yet where I’ve got the hang of actively choosing, because I do forget, but I think the process is what’s super important right now. I’m really proud of it, to be honest.

I’m afraid to get on that elliptical, though – afraid of boredom (from experience), and lower back pain (from experience). It’s mainly because I wasn’t as mindful AND because I hated myself when I stepped on it last.

I’m not in a hurry. I’ve got some yoga under my belt. I haven’t felt so chill about it before.