A number of things

This entry may have way more information than you ever wanted to know about me, but truth be told, I generally don’t care about TMI.  These are the reasons that I keep a diary.  If you read me, you probably get me and dont mind my TMI.  Lord knows I’m not gonna be stifled on a service I (happily) pay to use

Also, I know its been a while.  I just haven’t really gotten the motivation to write anything.

1. Books.
   Just finished The Outsider by Stephen King
   I have listened to  Meg & The Trench (Steve Alton)
   Jurassic park, The Andromeda Strain, and I’m in the middle of Sphere (Michael Crichton)
   Oh I also listened to the Beautiful Creatures series (Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl )
   Re-listened to my favorite books, The Name of the Wind and A Wise Mans Fear, by Patrick Rothfuss
2. Movies.
   Now that I have a job that allows me to spend a little extra on entertainment I have been going to the movies again.  This pleases me deeply.
   Recently, I have seen, Hereditary, Oceans 8 and last weekend I saw both Jurassic World AND The Darkest minds.
   There are quite a few things coming out that I d like to see, too.
3. School.
   I’m supposed to start my classes next week.  I got an email last week that the major that I applied to school with ( Massage Therapy) is not eligible for financial aid.  So I.. here let me just share the email:
   Good Afternoon, 
   I emailed last week about the notification that my major is ineligible for financial aid.
   I would like to change my major to the business program
   I am unable to come into the office because student services does not offer any extended hours to accommodate students who work during the hours of 8am – 5pm , like myself. 
   I need to know how I can get this all worked out before my classes start on Monday. Please contact me ASAP.

   (Its too late to apply for the RN program and be accepted by Friday, so I’m going “Business” for now.)  Its lame.  If this doesnt get sorted out in a couple of days, I will NOT  be attending school this fall. This deeply DISPLEASES me.

4. We’re moving
   I share a big old house with my best friends.  The land lord will not make any updates to it , so that means we have been running window units.  that means 500$ power bills. I’m not exaggerating.  Like actually NOT exaggerating.  And were only cooling 2 rooms with the window units the other half of the house has central air.   There are also really fun things like rotting floors, bugs and vermin. So, were moving.  probably in November.    Trav is only going to stay with us another year.  After that, it will be me and Em once again   This makes me super sad , but I get it.  (His ex fiance dumped him for Jesus a year ago on Halloween ( their 5 year anniversary)  because “being gay was a sin”  I have a lot of anger and rage about this. It wasnt a sin for the 5 years they were sharing a bed, right? ugh.  This rage deserves its own entry.  I can promise you, the good lord never factored in to all that magic we did together.  This fool changed who he was over night.)  The point is, Trav is ready to move on and that most likely means moving away from where we all live.
5. Penn
   Its been hard to let go of Penn.  The reality is that I was not ready for it to be over.  It was like my mostly happy little existence got snatched away from me because he was mad at his ex.  What it really boils down to is that he was tied up in her the whole time I was living at his house and he took me 100 % for granted.  He didn’t realize he wanted me until he threw me away.  I asked him the other day if she had come back to him during that time, would he have ditched me?  He said he “would have been torn.”   thats I-dont-want-to-hurt-your-feelings for “Definitely”
   But he betrayed me, so he wont get me back.  I found out that he is trying to start dating.  or at least fucking.
   I was really upset at first, thats like the last blow of a break up. When you find out that they are moving forward.  Ive come to terms with it now.
   I miss my (his) little doggie every day and i have seen her a few times since all of this and she gets so excited to see me that she squeals and chirps and jumps  up and down and its heartbreaking.  That little dog loves me as much as I love her.
   The last time I had my period was the weekend that I found out about his cheating , so June 10th. 2 months.  Obviously I have done my share of freaking out and I have taken 2 home pregnancy tests.
   Turns out it was probably a stress induced miss. No bebehs.
6. I have something potentially kinky to write about too..lol Ill do that when i get home. **after reviewing the rules,  it seems that maybe I should not post those things here.   I’ll journal about that stuff elsewhere and I’ll leave a link in private notes for anyone who might want to read that kind of stuff.  Suffice it to say that I am actively pursuing a Non-vanilla adult relationship.  In The spectrum of non-vanillahoodness I am the lowercase counterpart of  a D/s dynamic.  This role leads to a lot of deep self exploration and I feel that journaling my experiences will help me to process the places I get to in my mind. I fully believe that I can discuss these things in a mature and non… “adult” manner,  but adult themes and behaviors are a very big part of the dynamic.   So, instead of potentially accidentally breaking OD rules. And having to moderate my processing of these experiences  I’ll just take those writings to a different location 🙂 if you have questions about this,  I’ll answer in private notes ;)xoxox
   AB